


Happiness is a Loaded Gun

by Will2Meaning



Category: Outer Banks (TV)
Genre: Also did I mention Kie is gay?, Come on, Cuddles, Does anyone actually care about John B, Don't even try to argue this with me, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, JJ (Outer Banks) Needs Love, JJ deserves nice things, Kiara deserves nice things, Lesbian Kiara (Outer Banks), M/M, Mutual Pining, Pope deserves nice thing, Slow Burn, We all know the truth, post-season one, you know she is
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-09
Updated: 2020-09-29
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:40:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 21,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24619264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Will2Meaning/pseuds/Will2Meaning
Summary: In the wake of John B missing, JJ, Pope, and Kiara are struggling to keep the police at bay, the Kooks off their backs, and the Pogues together.A multi-chapter fic full of fluff, banter, Pogue chaos, and FeELs. Because why not?Also JJ and Pope are so dumb and so into each other.
Relationships: JJ & Kiara & Pope (Outer Banks), JJ/Pope (Outer Banks)
Comments: 29
Kudos: 131





	1. Chapter 1

JJ dips his left foot out of the hammock and with his toe, pushes against the ground, making his bed swing lightly again. He stares out towards the marsh, overwhelmed by the past few days’ events. His arms are crossed in what he pretends to be an angry expression, but his hands are tucked under and locked on each side of his torso, mimicking a hug. He squeezes. It’s dark and he doesn’t know how late; he’s lost track of the time. But he watches with a severe look as the moonlight reflects along the ripples of water.

John B’s shack is empty. Not literally of course, because that pathetic accuse for a house is filled to the brim with useless junk and rotting food, most of which JJ himself had scavenge. But in any real sense – it’s completely void. He listens to the creek of the ropes swinging his weight as he thinks about how often he’s slept here. Hell - how often he’s run to escape here. Any other day, arriving to John B’s felt like JJ was arriving into safety. Any other day, coming here would’ve given him hope, given him a glimmer of happiness. A family. But it doesn’t give him that tonight. 

JJ closes his eyes, trying to keep it together. 

No more emotional shit.

His mind gives him an image of the last time he saw John B’s boat, the waves rocking it roughly. He thinks of their last conversation together, before they pushed him off. He wasn’t lying about eventually jumping off a cliff, but he wishes he knew how soon it was going to happen. He thought he had at least a few more years left of bliss with the Pogues before Pope went off to college and Kiara figured out money could bring you anywhere.

He shifts his body onto his side and brings his knees in. Then he thinks of Kiara reaching upwards to kiss Pope and he abruptly opens his eyes again. 

So long to that rule, he thinks to himself bitterly. 

The marsh chirps and rustles with noise and yet it all seems dull and suffocating to JJ. John B and JJ created those rules together to keep the Pogue’s united, and if JJ’s honest with himself, it was also to stop any bullshit from happening to the closest thing he’s ever had to a family. And now...

He feels the tears and shuts his eyes again, feeling the wind against his bare chest. The hammock has stopped swinging but he feels too heavy to move.

Everyone’s got someone but him. 

He wakes up in the early morning to a shuffling of footsteps and voices.

“He’s gotta be here.” He hears Pope say, a lingering anxiousness as always to his voice.

“Well, if he’s not I’m sure he’ll pop up eventually. If anyone survives this, my money is on him.” Kiara answers

“We’re all going to survive this.” Pope replies, and the footsteps stop. JJ imagines the look they are giving each other. 

“Pope...”

“Wolves have been known to travel over six hundred miles to find their packs and technically, I know the Bahamas are a lot further, but John B has Sarah and a boat and is human, so...just, please... shut up.” 

There’s an awkward silence and JJ smiles softly to himself. 

“Dr. Spock, wolves aren’t really our thing in the Outer Banks.” He says loudly as he shoots his head up, revealing himself. 

“Oh my god!” Kiara says with relief, as she books it from the porch they were standing on and runs to him. Without stopping, she dives into the hammock and practically climbs on top of him before embracing him tightly in a hug. 

“Well, well” he says casually, raising his brows at Pope whose walking towards the hammock in stunned silence. “I was wondering when you were gonna give me a little love too, Kie” 

She lifts up from the hug and JJ closes his eyes and puckers his lips for a kiss mockingly. He receives a hard smack on the shoulder before she rolls off. 

“Why haven’t you been answering us, you prick?” Kiara starts. 

JJ slowly sits up, careful enough to not hurt the bruises on his abdomen but sly enough so that nobody notices. He looks up at Pope and winks, but Pope just stares back, concerned. JJ reaches into his pocket and pulls out the half blunt he rolled last night and his lighter. 

“First off,” he begins, as he lights the blunt now in his mouth, then points at Pope for emphasis “we’re called the Pogues. I’m ashamed you compared us to some random animal and not a fish.”

“Fish are animals. They’re vertebrate creatures” Pope automatically corrects and JJ makes an effort to not laugh out his smoke. 

“And secondly,” He continues, “my phone died.” He shrugs and leans back easily into the hammock again. Kiara takes the moment to grab the blunt from his hand. 

“So charge it.” She says before taking a very long, and probably much needed drag. 

“John B stole my charger. No John B, no charger.” He says it like it doesn’t hurt. Pope’s eyebrows wrinkle and JJ looks towards the marsh. 

“We’re being questioned by the police tomorrow. They’ve let us all know but you, because apparently you’ve been sharing one charger and have no plans to turn up at your dads anytime soon.” Pope says

“God damn right I don’t.” 

“You know how much begging I had to do with my dad to let me come out and find you?” Kiara chimes in, passing the blunt back over. But before JJ can grab it, Pope comes around and snatches it from the both of them. 

“They could drug test us.” 

JJ rolls his eyes, “Pope, they’re not gonna drug test us. They’ve got bigger fish to fry, give it back.” Pope flicks it away without leaving his eyes. 

JJ and Kiara both sigh in annoyance.

“We need to focus.” 

“Well, you just took away the only thing that helps me focus, so now I’m reluctant to participate.” JJ says back.

“This is serious JJ, we need to all be on the same page.” 

“Pope is right,” Kiara replies, “We need to make sure that whatever we omit, we do it together.” 

JJ stares between them, wondering if this is how it’s going to be from now on: the two of them versus him. 

“Fine,” he relents, “But if I can’t have weed before this conversation, I’m getting something to eat.” 

He moves up out of the hammock and stands, directly facing Pope now, who continues to have the same look of concern on his face since the beginning of their conversation. JJ waits for him to move out of the way, but Pope just stares back at him. 

“Seriously bro – you have no chill.” JJ says shaking his head, “Not even an ou-“

Pope suddenly pulls him into a bear hug, gripping him tightly and holding him there. JJ, once again caught off guard by Pope’s bottled emotions, awkwardly leans into it and places his hands across his back, having been through this before at least once now.

“You and the hugs...” He breathes out. 

Pope quickly turns his mouth to JJ’s ear and whispers “You scared me, man.” so quietly JJ doubts Kiara heard it. Just as abruptly, Pope pulls away, his hands still squeezing JJ’s shoulders. 

He can’t help but stare back in surprise. He desperately hopes that Pope hasn’t already guessed what he’s been planning to do for the last two days and there’s a moment of silence, as the two of them try to read the other. But then JJ turns his head to look back at Kiara, whose been quietly observing the both of them. 

“But seriously Kie, are you really gonna kiss everyone but me?” He says, feigning a frown.

“Oh my god, JJ” She scoffs as she quickly gets up from the hammock and begins stomping towards the house.

“No, I mean it...” He continues, brushing past Pope, and following her “Is it the gun? I can put it away.”


	2. Chapter 2

Pope grimaces as he watches JJ stuff another ridiculously large spoonful of peanut butter into his mouth. Most of the food, if you can call it that, inside this place is canned or rotting, but Pope is continuously surprised at how JJ seems to find something to consume anyway. JJ will also literally eat anything. He’s downed at least half the jar by the end of their conversation. 

By now, they’ve spent a good part of the morning agreeing on which facts are too obvious to deny and which parts they can omit and protect John B and Sarah as much as possible. For Sarah – it’s relatively easy, but they quickly realize for John B, not so much. And although they’ve come to a consensus, Pope can’t stop feeling like JJ isn’t telling them something. He knows he could guess what it is because despite JJ’s bravado, he’s relatively easy to read.

“The only way we can actually protect John B, is if we get Rafe to admit it.” Kiara says from one of the couches, “With the murder charge gone, he’d be mostly clear at least.” 

“Yea, sounds easy enough.” JJ says with sarcasm, popping the spoon out of his mouth and giving it another obscene lick. He’s laying down on the couch, his head positioned near Kiara’s lap but not quite on top of it. “I’m sure if we just ask, Rafe would agree.” 

“Rafe is a ticking time bomb.” Pope says, standing against one of the many broken tables. “Think about it, he’s been dealing and has just committed murder. There’s got to be a way to prove it.” 

“Well, right now – I’m grounded for life and we’re getting questioned tomorrow. So, as long as we’re all good on what exactly we’re saying, I think we need to scrounge this place of any evidence to the contrary first.” Kiara says, standing up and looking around. 

JJ swiftly rounds himself on the couch so that he’s sitting up. He takes a quick look around, “Kie, there’s nothing here but a bunch of old junk.” 

“A bunch of old junk, your blunt stash, John B’s dads books,” She counts on her fingers, “And probably that stupid gun and whatever else you randomly took with you from every place we ever went.” Kiara accuses.

JJ breathes in, clearly about to speak, but then shuts his mouth and his head cocks in thought. After a beat, he looks up at her with a guilty expression and shrugs his shoulders. Kiara just rolls her eyes. 

“Okay, so let’s look around and get anything incriminating us further in this, out and burned.” 

Pope and JJ nod in agreement and Kiara claps her hands and says “Okay, let’s get started.” She heads straight to where Pope is standing, her eyes on the table full of random items behind him. Pope pushes himself off and ends up standing in front of her, brushing her arm accidentally as she reaches for something on the table. He quickly pivots, just as she snaps her hand back and they look at each other. 

“I just-“ she starts as she once again reaches her hand, more slowly, around him. 

“Yea- sorry.” He says quickly. He jumps to the side to give her a large berth of space and the movement has her looking at him again. He stands there staring back pathetically. He doesn’t know how to do this.

“Oh wow.” JJ chimes in behind them and they both turn. “Is this what I have to look forward to now? I knew it’d be bad, but I didn’t think it’d be this awkward.” 

“It’s not awkward.” Pope defends.

“Yea, that wasn’t awkward at all. Especially not for the person who had to watch it.” JJ shoves his hands into his pockets and swings on one foot in the opposite direction before walking out of the room entirely. 

Pope and Kiara look back at each other and silence hangs in the air. Pope clears his throat. “Ah, listen,” He starts but Kiara cuts him off with her hand.

“Pope, let’s just try and handle one thing at a time, please.” She begs. Pope nods immediately and decides searching a different room would be in his best interest as well. He hears Kiara sigh deeply as he leaves.

After searching through what was considered the kitchen, and finding little, Pope moves to John B’s room. As he opens the door, he pauses, finding that JJ is already inside. He’s standing still, faced away from the door and staring at a spot above John B’s bed. Pope already knows what’s there: one of the few printed photos of the four of them. John B’s dad took it once when they all went fishing together on his boat. 

He hears JJ sniff and Pope clears his throat to let him know he’s behind him. JJ suddenly looks down and starts fake rummaging through a bunch of papers on top of the nightstand. Pope takes his time stepping further into the room, absently looking around before coming up on JJ’s side. He notes a pile of what looks like random items laid out on John B’s bed. 

“Seems like you found some things.” Pope says casually. He reaches to help sift through the papers too and JJ immediately jumps back. Pope has a moment of confusion before he sees JJ’s mocking face.

“Oh gosh,” JJ starts, “I’m just s-s-so sorry.” He clutches his arm to his chest in dramatic fashion before breaking out into a lengthy grin. 

“Man,” Pope draws out as he tilts back his head toward the ceiling. “It wasn’t like that.” 

“No, it was exactly like that.” JJ retorts, still grinning and moving back to the nightstand to resume his search. Pope shakes his head, internally dying from the embarrassment. 

“Whatever. We just haven’t had a chance to talk yet. It’s weird.”

“Nah, bro” JJ continues, “ _You’re_ weird. Don’t bring Kie down like that.” 

Pope can’t help but smile, and yet based on principle, shoves him roughly anyway before moving over to see what JJ has gathered on the bed. He stares down at what he could only describe as a haphazard list of items. 

“JJ...” Pope says as he reaches down to pick up a giant sized screw, roughly the length of his palm, and probably the same weight as well. “What the hell is all this?” 

JJ turns to see what he’s talking about. 

“Oh, that? Just a few things I took from the junkyard.” He says easily, “You know, while we were there.”

“Why the hell would you take a screw this size? What would you even need this for?” 

JJ moves to snatch it from his hands, and then cradles it in his own palms gently before looking up at Pope.

“Pope, this is a fine-threaded 7-inch machine bolt. It’s not just some screw, okay? You can use these in boats...” He says seriously, “Or you know, sell them back to the guy you stole them from.” 

Pope only stares at him, at a lost for words. He turns back to the bed to look more closely at what else JJ stole for the hell of it. There are a few more bolts and nuts, as well as nails of different sizes, some funky looking stones, and a bouquet of fake flowers. He turns back to look at JJ again. 

“You stole all of this from the junkyard?” He asks incredulously, gesturing with his hands, “How did you get all of this out of there?”

“You think I wear cargo shorts as a fashion statement?” JJ smiles brightly. 

“No, I think you wear those because John B wouldn’t let you borrow anything else.” Pope grabs the screw back and lays it down on the bed again. “Why were there flowers at a junkyard, anyway?” 

“Oh no,” JJ answers, distracted now by something on the nightstand, “Those are from the graveyard.” 

Pope whips his head around so fast he hears a crack in his neck. 

“You stole these from someone’s grave?!” 

“They were pretty.” 

“JJ!” Pope shouts, “Why are you so-“ but he stops abruptly as he watches JJ quickly roll up something from the nightstand and shove it into one of his pockets. Pope lifts an eyebrow. “What is that?” 

“Huh?” JJ says as he turns around and leans against the stand, his hands hanging loosely from his pockets. 

Pope tries to mimic the face his dad gives him when he knows something is up, but Pope is certain it’s a lot less intimating. In all honestly, Pope doesn’t have to ask. He’d bet all his money that JJ just swiped a copy of the map they gave John B before he left. Pope sighs. 

“Just, tell me it’s not a map.” He tries. 

For the first time today, Pope watches as JJ’s expression falters. His eyes, which had only begun to rid of the redness brought on by looking at the picture, suddenly begin to swell again. His mouth moves into a fine line and his shoulders sag slightly. But he doesn’t say anything. 

“Don’t do it.” Pope pleads, his words turned serious. He can’t loose another one, he thinks and JJ’s eyes start to glisten. “JJ, _please_.” Pope takes another step closer. He hates himself for cornering him, but Pope also knows that sometimes the only way to get JJ to listen is to force him to face the demons.

“You don’t get it.” JJ breathes out, his eyes threatening. 

Pope closes the space between them and takes JJ’s head in-between his hands. “Yes,” He says, “I do.” JJ weakly tries to release his head, but the tears are finally starting to fall and Pope knows the resolve is ending. “I get it. I promise you, I get it. But I also know that leaving would put a target on your back and it’d leave Kiara and I totally helpless. We cannot do this without you.”

JJ tries to let his head hang, but Pope holds it to meet him eye level. “We have to stick together on this.” 

With that, JJ tears away, quickly swinging his hand up to dry the tears and steps near the bed. 

“We’re not together though! Not anymore.” JJ claims. 

Pope furrows his eyebrows in confusion and just as he’s about to speak, Kiara comes running through the door.

“You guys!” She shouts excitedly, “You won’t believe what I just....” Her smile and words trail off as she takes in the room. “Ah...what’s going on?” 

For a moment, they all exchange looks until Pope finally relents. 

“JJ is trying to follow John B.” He says with a shrug. He turns to see a look of betrayal cross JJ’s face. 

“What?!” Kiara says, turning her full attention on JJ. “JJ, you can’t just leave. We don’t even know if John B made it yet! And the police already suspect us enough!” 

JJ scoffs and looks between the two of them, his eyes red but determined. 

“You two don’t get it, John B was my family, my only family, okay?” He says as he lays a hand on his heart. “There’s no point in me staying without him.”

“Oh, okay,” Kiara says with disbelief and looking more pissed by the minute, “And what the fuck are we then?” She says gesturing between Pope and her, “The Pogues don’t fall apart just because one is MIA. Fuck, JJ – come on!” 

“Yea, yea,” JJ rants, beginning to pace erratically, “You’re my family for now, but what about next year?!” He cries through tears, “Huh? What about when, Pope, you’re off to college at some fancy Ivy League?” He says as he turns to him, eyes full of emotion, “Or Kie,” He says, turning back to her, “When you’re off some stupid coast saving turtles? Where do you two think I’ll be?” 

Pope and Kiara give each other a quick look, understanding starting to dawn on them. 

“I’ll be here!” JJ cries, “Alright? We all know I’ll still fucking be right here.” He says pointing down, as if the very spot he stands is what he’s referring to. “And up until a few days ago, I thought John B was also gonna be here with me. But now,” JJ takes another swipe at his tears and sniffs loudly, trying to collect himself again, ”Now he’s gone, probably dead. And there’s nothing I can loose by at least trying to find him, or that gold.” 

Pope is silent, desperately searching for the right thing to say, but Kiara beats him to the punch. 

“You are such an idiot.” She says, exasperated, her hands moving to her hips, “We aren’t going to leave you behind just because we wanna get out of this place, okay?” 

JJ pauses at that briefly, looking at her intently. “But you two are already moving on with each other and don’t even realize it.” He says sadly. 

Kiara stares back at him before grunting in frustration and dropping her hands. She takes a few breaths and steps back to the door, then turns around to face JJ again.

“JJ,” She starts, grinding her teeth together, “Please tell me you are not reacting like this because I kissed Pope. Once.” She emphasizes with a single finger in the air.

JJ has the courage to look slightly guilty. 

“Okay.” She fumes, “Let me make this crystal clear to you because apparently you are too caught up in yourself to get it.” She takes another step closer to him, “I love you.” She says, pushing the same finger into his chest roughly, “I love Pope,” she says moving her hand to point at him, “And I love John B too. Because I love _the Pogues_ , just as much as you do JJ. Okay? I’m not leaving you, any of you.” 

She steps back, sighing out a deep breathe. 

“Now, can we burn some shit or what?” She finishes, looking between the two of them. 

JJ takes a few steps forward before collapsing into her for a hug, burying his face into her neck. Kiara instinctively wraps her arms hard around him and Pope finally sees an ounce of pity cross her face before she gestures with her hand for Pope to join in. In typical Pogue fashion, he does. 

Later, as the fire is burning outside and Kiara is sleeping on the ground next to them, Pope watches JJ twirl the bolt in his hands while the firelight catches the shadows. 

“JJ,” He says, shifting his body to face him better. 

JJ moves his head to look at him, arching his eyebrows in question.

“Come home with me tonight.”

JJ doesn’t say anything immediately, just studies Pope’s face for a while. Pope stays as still as possible, not even allowing himself to blink. 

“Okay.” JJ finally says. 

“It’s just that you can’t stay here, the police will be all over this place soon. And you obviously can’t go back to your dads...so, you should just stay with me.” Pope rambles out.

“Okay,” JJ says again calmly, still looking at him. “I’ll come.” 

Pope lets out a long breathe and smiles. “Okay.” He says nervously, even though he can already feel a weight of worry lifting off him. “Okay.” He says again quietly, mostly to himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey friends, thanks for the love. I've honestly only a very loose plot in mind, but I really wanted a follow through on the OBVIOUS chemistry I see between Pope and JJ. I will probably update periodically and can't tell you 100% where this will end, but come along for the ride!


	3. Chapter 3

JJ wakes up on the air mattress blown up on Pope’s floor. His blanket has been thrown off and he shivers as the wind from the early morning blows through Pope’s open window. He’s never been a good sleeper as far as he can remember. He mostly sleeps in short intervals here and there throughout the day. Based on the sky he sees peeping through the curtains, he assumes it’s only just sunrise.

He sighs heavily as he turns from his stomach to lie on his back and lifts an arm over and then under his head as a pillow. He looks up to see that Pope is still sound asleep, breathing heavy, his face turned towards JJ. 

JJ watches him as Pope’s body slowly lifts and releases with each breath. Even with all of Pope’s angular features, in sleep, his jawline and cheekbones seem to soften, giving him a more boyish look, and yet his presence still holds a certain strength anyway. JJ was half hoping he could drag on Pope’s snoring in the morning, but instead Pope just continues to hold a silent, calming energy to him. JJ knows Pope strives for perfection in most things he does, particularly in his studies, but JJ feels as if that perfection has somehow slowly manifested itself over the years, outwardly, in Pope’s physical body. 

Pope stirs slightly and JJ quickly blinks and looks away. He knows he won’t be able to go back to sleep anytime soon, so he decides to get up, slowly, making sure he doesn’t wake up his new roommate. 

He heads straight to the bathroom Pope showed him last night, the one directly across the hall from Pope’s door. It’s a tight, narrow room, with the toilet seat almost bumping up against the rim of the shower tub and barely enough space for a body to squeeze through the length of it. JJ heads to the small sink with a hanging mirror cabinet and opens it. 

He grabs what he knows is Pope’s toothbrush and toothpaste, wets the brush, doses out the paste and begins brushing. He eyes the rest of the items on the shelves in curiosity before reaching for what he sees is a prescription bottle. The label reads, “Take one 10mg pill daily”. He spits out the toothpaste and pops two pills into his mouth before swallowing easily. He’s never heard of Propranolol, but if there’s anything his dad taught him, it’s that the good shit is in the little white capped, orange bottles. 

He takes his time rummaging through the rest of the stuff. He finds two empty bottles of previous prescription fills, opens them and stuffs in what’s left of his weed supply, before capping them again and hiding them in the very back. He smiles to himself as he smells through Pope’s shampoo, deodorant, and soap, slightly surprised at the mint theme. Feeling his raid complete, he decides to take a shower. 

Once he’s cleaned and has quickly gotten himself off, he leaves the shower and puts on the same clothes, before making his way back to Pope’s room.  
Pope is still sleeping, now turned the other way towards his wall, so JJ takes the time to peruse his room as well. It’s always been a given that the Pogues would meet at John B’s, and JJ can’t remember the last time he was in Pope’s room. It’s small but incredibly clean. He can’t find anything out of place except for a few clothes thrown on the floor from last night. 

But what he didn’t notice then, in the dark scuffle as Pope and him had readied for bed, is the overwhelming amount of lists tacked to the walls. Most of the them are to-dos: school work to-dos, scholarship to-dos, chore to-dos. But some make JJ smile, such as “Ways to Improve SAT Scores” where one of the suggestions is ‘DON’T let the Pogues convince you to skip practice times’. However JJ’s hand, which was tracing slowly along the wall as he read, stops when it finds a list labeled “Ways to Repay JJ”. He feels his chest constrict as he reads it:

_Ways to Repay JJ:_

_1\. Give him a portion of my gold_  
2\. Buy him a house, so he doesn’t have to be with his dad  
3\. ~~Smoke with him~~

He wants to laugh, if only at the fact that the feasible one is crossed out, but he can’t find the humor. He just stares, and rereads it again. He hears Pope stirring behind him and quickly tugs the note loose from the wall and pockets it before turning around. 

“Good morning sunshine.” He says cheerily, willing his heart to stop racing. He leans against the wall and stuffs his hands into his pockets, one hand possessively clutching at the note inside.

Pope moans from the bed before finally lifting his head and opening one eye at JJ. 

“Why are you so happy?” He accuses, his voice rough from sleep. He slowly takes the blanket off of him and sits up on the bed.

JJ takes a few steps towards him and with the hand not holding onto the list, pats his cheek twice, “Who wouldn’t be happy waking up to this handsome face?” 

Pope swats him away and gives him a look of annoyance before yawning and stretching his arms upwards. JJ watches unabashed as his shirt rides up over his torso. If Pope notices, he doesn’t say anything. Pope turns to grab the phone from his dresser and checks the time. He moans again.

“We have to be at the station in an hour,” He sighs, “This is going to be the worst day of my life, isn’t it?” 

“If we’re not going to count the day you got beaten to a pulp by Kooks, or the day we watched a murder, then sure, this day is probably next in line.” JJ says back

Pope rolls his eyes and gets up, moving to his dresser.

“Or actually,” JJ continues, “there was also the day you confessed to Kiara and got rejected.” He pauses, “Remember that day Ms. B gave you an oral exam and you threw up in front of the class? How would you rate that in comparison?” 

“Shut up, JJ.” 

Pope throws him a simple blue button down shirt and a pair of black shorts. 

“What’s this?” JJ says, catching them. 

“Your interrogation clothes.” Pope says as he moves to leave the room, heading to the bathroom. But he turns back suddenly at the door, as if forgetting something, “That’s my favorite shirt,” He says pointing, “Don’t mess it up.” And without further instructions, Pope leaves.

JJ quickly puts them on, then moves over to look at himself in the mirror. It’s not a huge transformation, but JJ does look at the very least, clean. There are no holes or stains, which feels strange to JJ, but the button down is decidedly better than the Coors Light tank he was wearing. It fits perfectly and JJ runs his hands down his chest because the fabric feels soft too. He lifts the top of the shirt and hangs it over his nose, so that only half his face is revealed and takes in a breath. 

“What the hell are you doing?” Pope says as he comes back into the room. 

JJ stares at him over the top of the shirt. 

“It smells good.” He says as he tugs it back down. 

“Yea, that happens when you wash them.” Pope looks at him up and down. “You look good.” He says, slightly surprised. 

“I look like you.” 

“Exactly.” Pope answers with a smile, “Come on, it’s time for an awkward breakfast with my parents.” 

It turns out breakfast isn’t as awkward as the car ride over to the station. JJ and Pope are in the back, as Pope’s dad drives them over. The car is silent and Pope’s father keeps eyeing JJ suspiciously from the rear view mirror. JJ tries not to notice. Breakfast included more food than JJ has seen in years on a table, as well as a talk about the house rules while he lives there: a hard curfew each night, no getting into trouble, and above all, no distracting Pope from his studies. Even if JJ had the intention of following them, he knows Pope is in it too deep now to not get distracted by whatever fallout is going to happen. JJ wouldn’t even need to try. 

He watches as Pope’s knee bobs up and down next to him nervously. Pope’s looking out the window, his face full of concern as the houses and shops pass by. JJ moves a hand to his friend’s knee and squeezes. 

“It’s gonna be okay bro.” He says quietly. Pope looks at him and tries for a small smile before looking back out the window in response. JJ sighs and looks up to meet the calculating eyes of Pope’s father again in the mirror. As casually as he can, he moves his hand away from Pope and back into his own lap. 

“It’s gonna be okay if y’all tell the truth and do as they say.” Pope’s dad says loudly. 

“Yes, sir” Pope responds immediately. 

“I don’t know what you got yourself into, Pope and I don’t want to know, but I hope you’re realizing the seriousness of this now.” He continues with authority, “You’re gonna go in there, tell them everything, and we’re gonna get this over with so things can go back to normal around here.” 

Pope stays silent, his knee moving slightly faster.

“Pope’s gonna be fine, Mr. H” JJ dares, and Pope turns his head again to give him a warning look, but JJ plows on, “If they’re gonna look at anyone, it’s gonna be me. I’m already headed to juvie anyway and everyone knows my dad.” 

Pope’s father doesn’t say anything back, but his eyes go from wary to pity within an instant and JJ looks away again because it feels so much worse. He decides to keep his mouth shut and eyes looking out the window for the rest of the ride. 

Hours later, Pope, Kiara, and JJ are sitting together on Pope’s boat, docked in the water near his house. Pope is sitting at the helm, while Kiara is sitting along the edge of the cockpit and JJ is laying down, button shirt opened, on the floor with his knees up. 

The questionings went as good as they could’ve hoped. They stuck to their story and from what JJ can discern from their conversation so far, he got the worst of the interrogation. Which means he’s right, they’re mostly looking at him. But something none of them counted on, and something they all realized during questioning, was one thing:

“They’re looking at Ward too.” Kiara says, her arms crossed. “And I saw Rafe there as I was leaving.” 

“They could’ve just been getting his account of what happened,” Pope responds, “It doesn’t mean they think he’s a suspect.” 

“I overheard the police giving an order that all of those interviewed today, aren’t allowed to leave the county until the investigation is done.” Kiara says, “It means they’re looking at Ward too. Or at least, there’s a good chance they are.” 

“Whoever they suspect, they’ll try and find probable cause for a warrant.” Pope says, “If they search his house, we’ll know for sure. But a third of murder cases go unsolved. It’d be so easy for them to pin everything on John B. He’s not even here to defend himself. It would practically solve the case for them.” 

“Pope, how do you know this shit?” JJ finally chimes in from the floor.

“My dad watches a lot of cop shows.” 

JJ laughs as he sits up. He pulls out his stash and begins the cathartic process of rolling. 

“Absolutely not.” Pope says, standing up. “JJ, my dad is right there!” He points towards the house. 

“He’s inside. He’s not gonna see us.” 

“I don’t care, put it away.” Pope goes to reach for it, but JJ lifts his hand up and out of his way, having learned better, “Are those my prescription bottles?” Pope says, finally seeing what JJ was carrying it in. “JJ-“

“They were empty-“ JJ interrupts, but is suddenly distracted as his bottle is snatched out of his hand anyway by Kiara behind him. She smiles. “Et tu, Kie?” he says moving his hand to his chest. 

“Not the time.” She states, “We need to figure this out and since Pope is the smartest, I need him relaxed.” 

“Oh, well then maybe you could kiss him. That would probably help.” 

“Shut up, shut up, shut up.” Pope says, pacing back to the helm and purposefully not meeting Kiara’s eyes. “Can we please focus?” 

“Okay,” JJ relents, “What’s the plan? Huh? What could we possibly do to get Rafe convicted? Nobody knows but us.”

They all pause, looking at each other at a loss. JJ listens to the waves hit along the side of the boat lightly, mocking them. 

“Wait.” He says, jumping up suddenly, “That’s not necessarily true. There _is_ one other person who knows now.” 

Pope and Kiara look at him expectantly. 

“Barry!” He finishes with a huge grin. 

“Barry?” Kiara says, confused, “The drug dealer?” 

“Yes!” JJ says excitedly.

“The one who wants to kill you?” Pope asks.

“Yes!” JJ says again. 

“Okay, but...” Pope pauses to look at Kiara before looking back at JJ, “He wants to kill you.” 

“Everyone wants to kill me, Pope.” JJ replies, as if that's obvious.

“Kiara doesn’t want to kill you.” 

“I do if he keeps talking shit about me kissing you.” She replies quickly. 

“Okay, well. _I_ don’t want to kill you.” 

“And I appreciate that, bro. Really.” JJ says, coming over and giving Pope a quick kiss on his cheek before swinging an arm across his shoulders and squeezing him close. “But this could be the only way.” 

“JJ, how is Barry going to help us?” Kiara continues, “He’s not exactly our ally. Or a reliable source.” 

“Rafe deals for him. All we would need is for Barry to record Rafe saying something incriminating and we’d have him.”

“Okay, okay - hold on!” Pope interrupts, shrugging JJ off violently. “You want us to try and talk to the guy who actively wants to murder you, and who also _held us up at gun point_ by the way, and somehow convince them to rat out their own employee?” 

“Yes.” JJ says.

“This is nuts –“ Pope mumbles just as Kiara says “It could work.” 

“It could-“ Pope looks at her, “It could _work?_ Kie, you’ve got to be kidding me.” 

“What? It could.” She says, standing up. “It couldn’t hurt to at least try.” 

“Did you miss the part where JJ could die?” 

“And that would be different from any other day this summer?” She replies sarcastically.

“Listen, man” JJ says, coming back up to grab his shoulders, forcing Pope to look at him straight, “All we need to do is pay him back what I stole, and maybe throw in some extra. He’s a drug dealer, money is his only allegiance.” 

“You _spent_ all the money on a hot tub, remember? How are we going to pay him back 25k?” 

“It was a hot tub _and_ a disco ball, and it was worth it.” JJ replies, his hands squeezing Pope’s shoulders and bringing him even closer, “But we could sell it back.” 

“To who??” 

“I found the gold nugget at John B’s place.” Kiara says.

“Maybe to your dad.” 

“My _dad?_ ” 

“Guys!” Kiara says again loudly, clapping her hands together for emphasis. This time they both turn to look at her. “John B left us the gold nugget.” 

JJ drops his hands and takes a step away from Pope. 

“What?” He says in shock.

“When we were going through his things, I found it there.” She explains.

A moment of stunned silence passes between them.

“Kie,” Pope says, “Why didn’t you tell us this sooner?” 

“I tried to yesterday,” She says accusingly, “But we had to have family time instead because _someone_ was feeling left out.” 

JJ smiles and the guilt bubbles. “Yea,” He says, “It’s my new thing.” He tries to joke, but the insecurity shows through anyway. 

“I didn’t say I didn’t like it.” Kiara replies quickly, putting a hand on his back briefly before moving to hop out of the boat and onto the dock. “Anyway, we can pay Barry with that.” She says, turning back to look at them. 

JJ and Pope look at each other before shrugging their shoulders and get out of the boat themselves. 

“I need to get back home before my dad comes after me.” Kiara continues. She turns to give JJ a hug and as she pulls back, puts the prescription bottle back into his hands. “Do not let Pope’s dad find this, JJ.” She says warningly. He only smiles back at her. 

She turns to Pope, now standing in front of her. JJ watches as the two of them hesitate before Kiara moves to give him a hug, just as Pope steps to the side to let her pass. He sees Pope grimace with his mistake. 

“Okay,” Kiara says, opting instead for a quick wave, “Bye.” And sprints off. 

Pope turns to watch her leave and JJ sees his shoulders slouch in defeat. When he turns around again, JJ lifts an eyebrow at him. 

“Don’t.” Pope says sternly.

“So awkward, man.” JJ smiles, “Just so awkward.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the love! I appreciate all the Kudos and comments. I want to take a second to say congrats to all my queer babies out there - we no longer have to worry about getting fired from our jobs! Happy Pride ya'll! Let's take these victories where we can this month. We need them. Sending much love.


	4. Chapter 4

Pope watches as JJ crouches with the torch, his hair hanging over his face as he tries to melt a portion of the nugget off. He’s wearing Pope’s shirt again for the third day in a row, despite the fact that Pope has laid out multiple clothes for him to switch into. Clean clothes.

Pope never should have told him it was his favorite. 

“Put some energy into it.” Kiara says from his side. JJ looks up in annoyance and gives her the finger.

“It’s not as easy as it looks.” JJ says in frustration, letting the torch fall along the melted line he’s created. 

The worst part is how much better the shirt fits him than Pope. The blue makes JJ’s eyes feel piercing with every look.

Kiara turns to check and make sure no one’s coming through the back door of the restaurant. They’re in a grassy area just beyond the garbage bins, well hidden, but Kiara’s dad already doesn’t like them hanging around here and he saw them heading outside earlier. He could pop out any second. 

“Hurry up, JJ” Kiara pleads, motioning with her arms.

“Yes!” JJ exclaims as a chunk finally drips loose, falling to the ground. Pope makes a dash to pick it up with the metal tongs he brought. “What do you think? Is it small enough?” JJ asks, as he comes around, peering over his shoulder to see. Pope holds it out for him. 

“Ah, I think so.” Pope replies, skeptically, slowly turning it around. 

“I am not getting chased down again because it’s too obvious.” Kiara chimes in, turning back to them and running over to look at it too, “So, do you actually think this is small enough or are you just saying that?” 

“It looks like a chicken’s head.” JJ says, tilting his head staring at it.

Pope continues to mull it over. It’s about half the size of the original – which, was exceedingly large. He can’t remember the exactly weight she said, but he knows that the going rate is about fifteen hundred to an ounce. He bounces the tongs in place, roughly trying to guess the weight. 

“A chicken?” Kiara says.

“Yea, look,” JJ points, “That’s its head and there’s it’s beak.” 

Pope can’t remember the conversion from ounces to pounds and he bounces the piece in his hand again, thinking. Whatever the weight, they’d only get about half it’s worth at a pawnshop.

“It makes me think of John B’s rooster.” Kiara says sadly.

“R.I.P. John Jr.” JJ replies. “He’s in a better place now.”

“It’s too big.” Pope concludes, and JJ groans, turning away from them. 

“We could just give it to Barry like this JJ.” Kiara says, not for the first time.

“No way.” JJ says, grabbing the torch again, “I only took 25k, so he can get the 25k back and that’s it. The rest of this,” He says, holding up the other half of the nugget, “Is for us to split.” He puts it back down on the rock and gestures to Pope to put the hot half back down. He does. JJ huff before going at it again, but only a minute in, howls back in pain. 

“Fuck, shit –“ JJ says as he drops the torch and steps back, holding his thumb in his hand and hopping up and down while biting his lip. Pope runs over and grabs JJ’s hand into his own. “Ow.” JJ says simply, suddenly standing still again. Pope smiles when he sees the smallest red bump along the left side of his thumb. Pope rolls his eyes and gives JJ his hand back.

“Oh for fucks sake,” Kiara says. She picks up the torch herself and takes one more quick look at the door before lining up the nugget and beginning to light it up herself. A small piece easily comes off within a few minutes and JJ’s jaw drops. She grabs the tongs and picks it up from the ground, lifting it high to show JJ with a jeer, before going to back to the torch again.

“It was already hot.” JJ tries.

“Don’t worry,” Pope says, laughing, “We still appreciate your effort.” 

It takes another half hour to split two more sections, and another hour before they can hold them, but eventually they have three small sized pieces of gold, each about the size of a playing card. And a whole other half of the nugget untouched.

“Now what?” Pope asks, “We don’t know how much this is even worth.” 

“Now, “ JJ says, wiping the sweat from his brow with his forearm and wiping it along the sides of Pope’s shirt. “We go trade it in.” 

Pope gives him a puzzling look. “Barry owns the only shop in town. And we know how that ends.” 

“Which is why we’re going out of town.” JJ replies, pulling keys out of his pocket.

Kiara and JJ simultaneously start heading to Kiara’s car and Pope pauses in place as he realizes he’s the last to have been informed of this part of the plan. 

“No.” He says, “Guys, no, no, no, no. We cannot leave the county!” He runs up quickly, shoving himself between the door to the driver side and JJ, and spreads his arms. “This is a bad idea.”

“This is the only idea.” Kiara replies, grabbing the keys from JJ.

“Yeah, and it’s a bad one!” Pope says again, “We should just give it like this to Barry.” 

“Yeah, but like you said...” JJ starts, “We don’t know how much it’s worth and I’m not giving him more than I took. We’re gonna need all the money we can hold onto.” 

Kiara forcefully pushes Pope to the side and climbs into the drivers seat unbothered. JJ moves to open the backseat door instead but Pope moves to block him again. 

“Come on bro,” JJ says, “It’s two against one – and even if John B were here, you know it’d still just be you.” JJ gives him a patronizing pat on the shoulder for emphasis. 

Pope tries for his most menacing look, but JJ just stares back with amusement. A slow smile starts to form on JJ’s face instead and Pope finally looks away. 

_Stupid blue eyes._

Pope smacks his hand to his forehead and lets out a loud groan before stepping to the side and letting JJ pass. “This is so dumb. Why am I friends with you?”

JJ gives him a toothy smile as he plops himself down in the back and shuffles over. “You love me.” He bats his eyelashes comically and then pats the seat next to him, beckoning Pope to get in. Pope does. 

“Okay, Kie, you go first.” JJ says, shoving one of the pieces into her hands.

“What? Why do I have to go first?” 

“You’re the least suspicious looking.” Pope adds.

“Oh no,” She says looking between the two of them, “You are not gonna pull this crap with me. Pope,” she says as she thrusts the piece at him, “You go first.” 

“What?!” 

“Pope is a black man Kie,” JJ says, “That is literally the worst idea.” 

“Yeah, exactly,” Pope agrees, shoving it back at her.

“Okay,” Kiara says annoyed, “Well _you’re_ a white man, so you do it JJ.” Handing it back to him. 

“Yeah, not that kind.” 

“The kind with privilege?”

“No, the kind without a long criminal record.” 

“Pope?” Kiara tries again, turning to look at him. 

“Kie, my dad once made me apologize to the lady next door about breaking her window, and I had a full blown panic attack for hours. I cannot do it first.” Pope replies seriously.

“It’s true,” JJ nods in agreement, “I was there and I had to sing I Will Always Love You to finally get him to stop crying.”

Kiara looks between the two of them again. They look back innocently. 

“I miss John B.” She mutters before taking the gold and opening the door to head to the pawnshop. JJ and Pope watch her cross the street and enter, both holding their breaths. 

She’s back within ten minutes. She opens the door and climbs back in silently. 

“Well?” JJ says, staring at her. 

She smiles widely and pulls out a huge wad of cash. 

“Oh my god!” Pope says, laughing and jumping up and down in his seat. JJ joins him as they all begin to laugh hysterically. 

“Shit,” JJ says, and grabs the cash out of her hands, “How much did you get?” 

“Eleven thousand.” 

“Oh my god,” Pope says again, “Oh my god. Oh my god, I cannot believe it worked.” 

“Told you bro!” JJ says, letting his thumb slide through the bills. 

“Okay,“ Kiara says, “Now it’s your turn JJ.” She pulls out another hacked piece and hands it back through the front seats. 

But Pope darts out his hand and grabs it instead.

“Let me do it.” He says, taking it and putting it in his pocket.

“You sure?” JJ says, a trace of worry in his voice.

“Yeah, we have three pieces and we’re all going to go eventually. I’d rather just get it over with now.” 

He opens the door. 

It takes him twice as long as Kiara, and the shopkeeper definitely gave him a once over before pulling out the cash, but he makes it with another ten grand to add into the pot. They erupt once again into ecstatic glee before JJ pulls out the last piece. 

“Wait,” Pope says, feeling nervous again, “The shopkeeper was really eyeing me. I don’t think we should do it again here.” 

“There isn’t another place we can go.” Kiara answers, “Unless you’re willing to cross _multiple_ county lines...” 

Pope hesitates to answer, but that’s all it takes for JJ to slap him on the back before opening the door himself and running off with the last piece of gold to trade.

Within five minutes they hear the cop sirens. Kiara and Pope look at each other in panic. 

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” Kiara says, and they both look out the windows towards the shop. 

“Come on, come on.” Pope says quietly, his eyes searching for JJ. 

“There!” Kiara points, and Pope sees JJ running out of the shop like his life depends on it. JJ dashes into the street without looking and hits a bicyclist and falls. 

“Damnit! Kie, start the car!” Pope shouts, as he watches JJ pick himself back up in record time and continue to run to the car. Pope opens the side door, just as Kiara revs the engine and JJ flies in, stomach first. 

“Go, go, go, go, go!” JJ says just as Kiara is screaming, “Shit, shit, shit, shit!” 

She peels the car out of the parking lot and speeds down the road in the opposite direction of the sirens. Pope jumps into the far back and peers through the back window, waiting to see the flashing red and blue lights. He’s gotten way too use to this.

“What happened?” Pope cries at JJ. 

JJ picks himself up off the floor of the car and settles frantically into a seat. 

“I don’t know!” He says, looking through one of the side windows, “It was fine until I mentioned the Alzheimer’s story and then he went straight to the phone.” 

“Why did you use that stupid story again?” Kiara screams as she makes a hard right turn. “It didn’t work the first time!”

“It worked for me!” Pope says without thinking, still looking for any cop cars following them.

He feels a hard smack on his back.

“You used my story?” JJ says angrily, “Why would you use my story and not tell me?”

“I’m not a good liar!” Pope shouts back, “I couldn’t think of anything when he asked!” 

“Pope, you’re supposed to be the smart one.” Kiara yells from the front. She takes another hard turn and Pope and JJ go flying. “Both of you just sit down! 

It takes them thirty minutes of randomly driving around to figure out that no one is following them and the sirens are long gone. JJ and Pope sit exhausted in the back when Kiara decides they need to get back within county borders and home before curfew. 

Light begins to fade, as JJ starts rolling a blunt in the seat next to Pope. The car is silent and Pope just watches him, too exhausted from the day’s events to bother caring. Also, JJ got chased out of a shop and ran over by a bike, mostly because of Pope, so Pope is willing to let him have this one. Kiara is still in the front, hyper focused on driving and checking her side mirrors every now and then, on the look for any signs of cops. Pope takes a glance out the window and watches the setting sun. He thinks they’ll just make it home in time before his dad can accuse him of anything. 

“Uh-oh...” Kiara says as the car begins to slow down along the route. 

Pope and JJ both look up to see a line of cars in front of them stopped.

“It’s a checkpoint.” Pope says with defeat. “This is not good.” 

“We can just turn around.” JJ says quickly.

“We don’t have time to turn around.” Pope says, his back hitting hard against the seat. He can feel his anxiety spiking. “We’re supposed to be home in twenty minutes!” 

“Well,” Kiara starts, “We can’t go through a police checkpoint or they could figure out we’re out of county bounds. So, you pick – angry dad or prison?” 

Pope groans and feels himself start to breath heavily. He thrusts his body forward in-between his legs and tries to take some deep breathes. This has been the summer from hell. 

“No, it’s okay.” JJ says, stuffing his blunt into his pocket, “Pope, we can just hop out here and walk around it. We’re almost there anyway.”

Pope sits up to look at him. “Walk home?” 

“Yeah.” 

“We still won’t make it in time.” 

“Right, but we’ll make it a lot faster walking then Kiara taking us the entire way around. We’ll make something up to your dad. It’ll be fine.” JJ explains. He opens the door and begins pushing Pope out. 

“Do you even know where we are? We’re gonna get lost.” Pope tries, but he’s so tired, he can barely find the strength to argue reasonably with another bad idea.

“I have an excellent sense of direction.” 

Pope turns at that. “I have seen you get lost in a grocery store, JJ.”

JJ pauses.

“That is also true. But we don’t have options, so get out of the car anyway.” And JJ gives him one big push and Pope steps out. 

“Text me when you’re home.” Kiara says before JJ shuts the door behind them. They watch as she slowly turns the car around and heads in the other direction. 

Pope forces himself to move another step, fatigue starting to weigh heavy on him. His heart is racing despite how tired he feels. The sun has completely set and he knows he’s at least an hour past curfew. His dad is going to kill him, if he’s not sent to prison first. He tries to take in another even breath but today is not his day. He hears JJ talking ahead of him. He’s been rambling since they got out here and Pope has tuned him out, his mind focused on all the ways today has been a disaster and how he’ll pay for it. 

Suddenly JJ stops talking and Pope accidently bumps into his back, realizing they’re stopped.

“What?” Pope says automatically, his heart rate picking up even more.

“Ah...” JJ says, “Nothing, nothing...this way, come on.” 

Pope takes a few more steps, but then JJ stops abruptly again. Pope watches him look out, turn his head the other direction, and start moving back to where they came from. 

“JJ...” Pope says, feeling his heart practically pounding out of his chest, “Do you know where we are?”

“Yea, definitely.” He replies with confidence, and keeps walking. But then he stops again and looks in a completely new direction before moving forward again. “Definitely this way.” 

“No, no, no” Pope says, turning in a circle, “I knew it. I knew it!” He slams himself against a tree and starts actively doing the breathing exercises he was taught years ago. “My dad is going to kill me. I’m going to prison.” 

“Whoa, whoa” JJ says, turning back and moving towards him. JJ puts a hand on Pope’s shoulder, who quickly shrugs it off and takes a step back from him. “Listen bro, we’ll just blame it on me. Heyward will be mad, but he’ll get over it.” 

“No, he won’t.” Pope says, struggling to breath. 

“Sure he will,” JJ says with a smile, “If he forgave you for the boat, he’s gonna forgive you for getting lost in the woods.” 

“It’s not just about getting lost in the woods!” Pope shouts back, he turns and throws a fist into the tree. “Damnit!” He says as he pulls back his hand, throbbing. “God, JJ – not everything is a joke.” He turns himself so that his back is thrown against the tree, facing JJ. “This is about the fact that I’ve literally lost everything I’ve work towards chasing a fantasy. Or about how nothing can go back to normal because our friend is missing! This whole summer has been a fucking cycle of running from cops, and-and-and,” He struggles to breathe out, “and getting beat up, and wondering if I’m going to spend my life in prison.” He pauses to take a deep breathe in, “And- and, I’m so tired of you not taking anything seriously!”

Pope bends his body over so he’s facing the ground and he closes his eyes, repeating the exercises again. He hears a shuffle of leaves as he knows JJ moves closer to stand in front of him. Pope chances a glance above and can see the outline of his shoes in the dark directly in front of him. JJ doesn’t say anything, just stands there as Pope tries to catch his breath and calm down. Pope eventually squats and tilts up his head as he feels tears start to form in his eyes. He can’t help it and he’s grateful for the dark, even though he knows JJ can still hear it in his breathe. 

“Not everything is funny.” Pope eventually huffs out, a hand clutched to his chest. 

JJ squats down at eye level with him at that. 

“I didn’t say it was funny.” JJ replies with sincerity. Pope leans his head forward to look at him again and JJ reaches out a cautious hand and wipes away a few tears. Pope lets him, still too focused on getting himself to stop panicking. “Remember that Touron girl I met at the boneyard?” 

“Which one?” Pope huffs, already shaking his head and still counting out the exercises in his head.

“The one with the funny tasting lip gloss and, like a dolphin tattoo on her wrist.”

“Michelle?”

“Yeah, sure,” JJ says, “Michelle. Well, you remember she brought me back to her vacation house?”

“Yeah,” Pope breathe out, “When you left us with all the clean up.”

“Yes,” JJ agrees, “That day. Well,” he starts and sits entirely on the ground in front of him, crossing his legs and leaning in. “We got back to her place and she wanted to ease into it, so I suggested a movie. And obviously, being as smooth as I am, I made sure it was scary.”

Pope is entirely confused where this is going but his breath begins to ease a little.

“We end up choosing A Quiet Place –“

“It doesn’t-“ Pope interrupts, breathing slowly “Make sense...why they didn’t...just live near water to ...begin with.”

“That’s what I said!” JJ exclaims, “But not the point. So we’re watching the movie and I remembered this one fact you told me about how dead people are always farting up a storm when they die.”

“The bacteria in our bodies eat themselves after death,” Pope says, “It makes a lot of gas.”

“Right.” JJ agrees, “So I told her that and she thought it was gross. But then we got on this discussion about how no one in that family would be able to fart at all, or they’d die.”

“Oh my god,” Pope says, “I never thought of that.” 

“But, a huge plot hole, right?” 

“Definitely.”

“Well, she kept arguing with me and asking me to stop talking about it. But I felt it was my goddamn duty to get her to understand not everything is sunshine and rainbows. Life is full of farts.”

“I guess...” Pope says, not sure he’s actually following.

“Well, I left.” JJ finishes with emphasis. “I went back to John B’s place.” JJ looks at Pope with a proud expression and Pope stares back for a minute with confusion. “I took _that_ seriously.” JJ explains and smiles. 

It takes another moment but Pope eventually huffs out a laugh and shakes his head, realizing his breathing is back to normal. JJ’s smile brightens. 

“And I’m the weird one.” He says. 

JJ moves to sit next to him, his back against the tree. He takes his hand and puts it around Pope’s shoulder before slowly moving him to lay his head on his lap. Initially hesitate, Pope eventually lets him, tilting his body over and allowing his head to be pillowed by JJ’s thigh. JJ lays a hand lightly on Pope’s upper arm and the sit silently for a while, both looking out into the darkness. 

Pope can feel one of JJ’s hands fidgeting with something in his pocket on the other side. He closes his eyes, calmed by the rustle and weight of JJ’s hand on him. He hears a crack and then soon smells a familiar tang in the air. He rolls himself so the back of his head is directly under JJ’s leg and watches the red and white light of the blunt in JJ’s mouth ignite as he sucks in. JJ holds it for a moment, and then lets out the smoke before looking down at Pope and offering him the blunt. 

“It worked before.” JJ says when Pope doesn’t make a move. 

Pope sighs a breath and reaches for it. He puts it to his lips and sucks in fast and heavy.

“Easy, easy,” JJ says, putting his hand around Pope’s wrist and slowly tugging it away. “Now hold it in.” Pope lets out a small cough but is able to hold most of it in for a few seconds before blowing it all out. “Nice.” JJ encourages, and he brings the blunt back up to his own lips. 

They take turns, back and forth for a while, JJ constantly vigilant, making sure Pope is taking just the right amount. Eventually Pope starts to feel relaxed, he buries his head a little more easily into JJ’s thigh and looks up into the night sky through the branches. He begins to hear JJ start to hum something and the vibrations emanating from JJ’s torso hit along the right side of Pope’s head, making him feel giddy. He laughs when he finally recognizes the tune. 

“And I...” Pope sings, and he can hear JJ’s smile as he continues to hum along, “EEiii, will always” They both pause dramatically as Pope lifts his arm into the air, then signals for them to both sing a terrible “Love you!” 

“OOoooOOo” JJ finishes before they both erupt into laughter. 

“Works every time.” JJ says, chuckling. 

Pope smiles and turns his head to nose gentle into JJ’s side, feeling more comfortable now than he has in days. 

“Yea,” He answers, sleepily. 

He feels JJ’s hand rest along his chest and he can’t help but sigh with the touch. His shirt is open from the heat and exhaustion of their hike and he can feel with acute awareness JJ’s thumb slowly moving back and forth in a soft caress along the bottom part of his throat. He feels himself get goose bumps along his arms and across his chest and wonders if JJ can feel them. 

“The money we got today,” He says, and is sadden when JJ’s thumb stops moving, “We should give towards your restitution.” 

There’s a pause before Pope watches as JJ lifts his hand and throws it into his hair, not saying a word.

“We can pay Barry with the gold.” Pope continues, “that money should go towards bailing you out.” When JJ remains silent, Pope tries for one last attempt; “I can’t loose you to juvie, man. And especially not because of me.” 

He hears JJ lets out a large sigh before moving his hand back to rest on Pope’s chest. 

“Okay.” JJ says simply and they both fall back into silence. 

Again, Pope feels JJ’s thumb slowly tease at his skin and he falls into a strange quiet mediation from it. He listens to the leaves bristle above from the light wind, and focuses on the slow back and forth. He feels fuzzy and warm and isn’t sure if it’s the effects of the weed or not, but content enough in the moment to not question it. He feels his eyes slowly drop down until they’re closed, falling into a light sleep.

“My mom had Alzheimer’s.” 

Pope immediately opens his eyes, looking up at JJ. 

“It’s how she died.” JJ continues softly. His face is still looking towards the woods, his voice so quiet Pope wonders if he’s hearing correctly. “I have a memory of her setting fire to something in the house, trying to melt it.” Pope hears JJ fidget again with something in his pocket. “You remember that quote you said, about fantasy and reality?” Pope doesn’t answer, just nods his head, “That’s how I feel about her.” JJ says, his voice breaking, “I was so young when she died, I don’t even know if anything I remember was real.” 

Pope is silent. He has never, ever heard JJ mention his mother. It has always been a given that the Pogues knew she wasn’t in the picture anymore. John B., whose known JJ the longest, never mentioned it either. It was a silent agreement. Pope’s caught off guard and no idea what to do. The silence hangs heavy over them.

“Pogue fish,” Pope starts, clearing his throat from discomfort, “will lay their eggs in open waters, and then leave.” He sees JJ turn his head to stare down at him, “And...” He pauses, “Sometimes it seems cruel, but where they lay them is also where ocean currents will eventually guide them into safe estuaries. Only the adult fish stay in open waters.” Pope continues, watching JJ carefully, “And I know they’re only fish, but sometimes I like to think they stay there in order to protect any predators making their way into those estuaries, like they’re guarding it.”

JJ stares down at him.

“You looked that up for me.” He finally says. It’s not a question.

“You didn’t like my wolf analogy.” Pope replies softly.

He feels JJ’s hand move up along his throat and cup his face instead. Pope is unmoving, his heart rate picking up as JJ leans a little bit more towards him. JJ stares at him a minute before leaning back again and softly patting his face before removing his hand entirely. 

“You’re a good friend, Pope.” JJ says, turning his head to look back out into the darkness. 

Pope lays motionless, conflicted over the words, because the last few moments have felt anything but friendly. He wants JJ’s hand back on him. He wants to hear more about his mother. He wants JJ. And he feels his body warm at the thought. 

Instead of voicing any of it, he lays silently, confused and stunned before eventually falling asleep on JJ’s lap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A reminder of the quote Pope says: "Humans are the only animals that can't tell fantasy from reality" 
> 
> I enjoyed writing this chapter, I hope you enjoyed reading it. Thanks again for the love. POPE AND JJ FOREVER!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: 
> 
> A quick note for trigger warnings for this chapter regarding character death and underage drinking and implied self harm

Kiara pulls up the car in a rush outside of Pope’s house. He runs out the door quickly, having already consulted with his dad for the third time this evening. Considering the trouble Pope and JJ got into not two days prior, and now this, Pope really has to hand it to his dad. He’s more understanding than Pope gives him credit for and he’s eternally grateful for it, especially in times like now.

He opens the door to view Kiara’s somber expression. Her eyes express an overwhelming sadness and knowing that he feels within himself too. They share a mutual look of understanding before he moves to sit and shuts the door behind him. 

The wreckage of The Phantom was found.

They sit in silence. Pope watches as Kiara’s hands clutch the wheel tightly, staring ahead. The two most rational of the Pogues know that there is nothing to say, and yet a million emotions to sort through. Pope closes his eyes. They also are the least equipped for expression and JJ’s missing presence is intensely obvious. Pope takes a deep breath before opening his eyes again. 

“You tried calling right?” Kiara asks again, her voice shaking. 

“Yeah.” 

“And you checked John B’s?” 

“It was the first place I looked after I got home.” Pope sighs. Pope had been making deliveries on behalf of his father. When he got back home, the news was on with his dad ready for a talk on the couch and JJ was MIA. “My dad says he just split once he heard.” 

“He couldn’t have gotten that far on foot.” Kiara says, starting the car. Pope’s not sure he agrees. He’s seen JJ run from the police multiple times at this point, but he doesn’t say anything as she starts the car. “Let’s try the boneyard.” 

They sit in silence all along the way. Pope wants to comfort, or say anything that would help ease the pain for the both of them. In so many ways, he feels this is his role within the group dynamic; to provide the voice of reason. Except the ‘group’ is a loose term at this point, and he can’t think of a single thing that could make it better. John B is dead. There is nothing to do now but to try and find JJ. So Pope sits in silence and lets Kiara occasionally wipe at her eyes as she drives, without trying to reason with it.

When they arrive at the boneyard, they both quickly hop out and head in opposite directions on instinct. Pope veers to the left, his eyes searching. It hits him that under the grief, his worry for JJ is just as potent. His heart races as they shout JJ’s name and there continues to be a lack of reply, the white expanse of sand empty. They eventually circle back to each other and Kiara’s expression starts to show it’s full extent of exhaustion. 

“Where is he?” She says desperately, turning back to Pope. Pope can count the times he’s seen Kiara lose her chill and the strain in her voice tugs at his own increasing worry. “You don’t think…” She starts and makes a small grunt, clearly frustrated with her own emotions, “You don’t think he did anything stupid, right?” 

Pope knows what she’s asking. He thought of it too.

“JJ?” He tries for light-hearted and gives a small smile. Because the truth is, he doesn’t know and he can barely handle the thought.

She huffs a laugh, then shakes her head before the tears start to form around her eyes. 

“Shit.” She says, and wipes them away. “We gotta find him.” 

“I know.” 

He watches her continue to wipe her eyes and has a strong urge to move towards her, but can’t tell if it’d be well received. 

“Jesus, Pope.” She says, looking at him, “Can you just not be weird and hug me please?” 

Pope smiles and steps closer before pulling her into a tight hold, filled with relief at the touch. She squeezes back and he hears her take a few deep breaths before pulling back. 

“Listen,” She starts.

“No, Kie -” Pope tries to interrupt, already knowing where this is going.

“Just let me say this.” She stops him. Pope fidgets, but doesn’t say anything. “I know this isn’t the best time, but honestly, everything has been so weird between us and I’m not gonna be able to function with all this bullshit if I can’t at least rely on us being friends. So...can we, just -”

“Yes.” Pope answers quickly, “Yeah, yes.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t be.” Pope says, thinking about JJ’s hand on his cheek. “You’re right. We’re better as friends and now isn’t the time.” 

She smiles at him, a look of complete relief flooding her face. 

“I was just so worried you’d be upset. And I know I kissed-”

“Kie.” Pope says, and steps back into her space, taking a hold of her shoulders. “It’s fine. Honestly. I think…” He pauses, unsure how to word the immense upheaval he’s had since the day he got lost in the woods with JJ. “I have been really dumb about this and I’m the one that should be sorry. I like you, I do, but...it’s just so…”

“Awkward.” Kie finishes for him. 

He shrugs his shoulders in response and they smile before going in for another hug. When they pull apart, Pope takes a minute to notice the sun starting to set and still no JJ in sight. 

“We gotta keep driving around until we find him.” He says, his nerves coming back. 

They circle around town to all the spots they can think of, going back to John B’s house twice, and even doing a slow drive-by near JJ’s father’s house, before Pope finally has an idea and directs Kiara to the waterfront houses still under construction. 

It’s dark when they approach the house Pope remembers. Even though it was only a few weeks ago, it seems like a lifetime since he saw John B balancing on one foot along the roof ridge, cracking jokes and spilling Pabst beers. He doesn’t see John B now, but he does see the outline of a body on top of the roof and Pope feels the first sense of relief since their search began. 

“I see him.” Pope says, not even waiting for Kiara to fully stop the car before opening the door and running out. “JJ!” He shouts, running up frantically and ducking under the construction tape. He sees the outline shift slightly. Encouraged he hops over some of the wooden frames and makes his way to the landing directly off of the house’s top floor. “JJ!” He says again. 

There’s a hiccup from above and then Pope sees JJ’s head pop into frame.

“Pope!” He says with excitement and Pope immediately recognizes he’s trashed. He feels his body sag with relief and he takes a few breaths in, putting his hands on his knees, unable to control the feeling of knowing that JJ’s okay to not overwhelm him. 

“Man,” Pope says, breathing hard, “I am so glad to see your dumb face.” 

“Aw, bro.” JJ says, shaking his head, “That’s sweet.” 

Pope hears Kiara catch up next to him. He points and she looks up. 

“Get the fuck down here JJ!” She says, when she spots him. 

“Kiara,” JJ says, beginning to stand up, “I’ve missed you.”

“No, JJ, do not stand up.” Pope cautions.

JJ proceeds to stumble his way upwards until he’s swaying, standing on the roof ridge. He’s clutching some liquor bottle in his right hand. 

“JJ,” Kiara says, watching him sway further to the right and left. “Don’t move.” She signals to Pope to get up there and he begins making his way, leaving Kiara to distract him from falling to his death. 

“I’m fine.” He hears JJ say, “I’ve been thinking and I really think there’s only one solution for us: Yucatan.” 

“Why are you so obsessed with Yucatan?” 

“Kie, you’d love it.” JJ explains, as Pope climbs up the side of the roof and finally gains footing. “I’m pretty sure there are turtles there - Hi, Pope.” He adds over his shoulder when he notices Pope walking up to him.

“Hi.” Pope says, as he wraps his one arm tightly around JJ’s waist from behind and proceeds to look for the best way down. He pulls them back from the ledge slightly and JJ makes a small sound of protest.

“Whoa,” JJ says, his arms going up to hold on to Pope’s. “Watch it, bro. You’ll make us fall.” Pope rolls his eyes, trying to shuffle them back carefully. “Listen, Pope - you’d like it too. There are beaches and I’m sure there is a library somewhere for you to hole up in.” 

“I’m not moving to Yucatan.” Pope says on instinct, struggling to keep them both upright as JJ leans more of his weight on him. 

“Why not?” JJ says in defiance and makes a hard effort to turn abruptly in order to face Pope. The movement tilts them and Pope sticks out his foot further to keep them from falling but fails and they both tumble down with a loud smack. The bottle JJ was holding in his hands flys off the roof and Pope hears it smash on the porch below them.

“Are you two okay?!” Kiara calls. 

The roof’s ledge is not so steep to have thrown them off completely, but they are both lying along it, close to the drop off. Pope moans in annoyance. He’s still holding onto JJ’s waist, who is now turned towards him, his shirt slid up to his armpits. 

“Yucatan is perfect.” JJ says to him, not even acknowledging where they ended up.

Pope groans. “We’re fine Kie.” He calls back, extending an arm up and trying to discern if they can climb their way back up to the ridge. 

“Stop ignoring the conversation.” JJ says, as he watches Pope struggle to find footing.

Pope grunts as he tries to position his foot to gain some resistance to slide them back up. 

“Whose liquor is this JJ?” He hears Kiara ask from below, “This is some fancy shit.” 

“I stole it from Heyward’s liquor cabinet.” JJ says back.

Pope turns to JJ in frustration when he both realizes what he said and that he can’t budge them.

“There are so many times when I feel like I hate you.” He says, “But honestly, this moment right here, I’m saying it. I hate you.” 

“Really?” JJ replies, “This one?” 

“Yes.” 

“We need more moments.” 

Pope knocks his head back lightly onto the roof in frustration and takes a breath. “Of course I’d like Yucatan.” He says in defeat. “It’s the epicenter of Mayan culture and where the Chicxulub crater is. But I don’t want to move there, hurricane season is like ten times worse.” 

He rolls his head to the side and sees JJ’s face staring back at him seriously. Pope’s hand instinctively squeezes along JJ’s bare side. He can’t help it and he doesn’t know if he’s projecting his feelings or if this is something they are both playing at, but moments ago he thought JJ might be dead, so he squeezes. JJ only continues to stare back. He’s still wearing Pope’s favorite shirt, despite it being completely stained now, and the moment feels so similar to the night in the woods. 

“I miss Gary.” JJ says. Pope furrows his eyebrows in response. “The security guard.” JJ explains. “I definitely thought he’d be chasing us by now.” 

And just like that the moment is gone. Pope shakes his head and begins looking for a way to get them down again. 

“Pope, are you coming down or what?” He hears Kiara shout from below. 

“I’m trying!” He shouts back. He turns to JJ, “Okay, on three we are both going to stand and run up this ledge, okay?” 

“Ah…” 

“Just do it, JJ.” Pope says sternly. “Okay, one...two...three!” 

Pope gets onto his knees as JJ leverages him to stand up completely, Pope’s left arm linked tightly with JJ’s right. Pope lifts a knee to put a foot down, but JJ leans back too far and within seconds they are both falling backwards. They hit the deck hard near where Kiara is now standing. 

“Holy shit.” She says, rushing up to both of them. “Are you two okay?” 

Pope rolls over onto his back with a groan. When he doesn’t think anything is broken, he turns to JJ, who is already starting to get up. Kiara gives him a hand. 

“You are really starting to worry me.” Kiara says, as JJ pulls up next to her. Pope slowly starts standing himself. 

“Just now you’re starting to worry?” JJ replies, rubbing his head. 

Pope stands up and brushes the dirt off his shirt and pants, then straightens to see that Kiara isn’t laughing. She’s staring at JJ with intensity, as if she’s waiting for him to say something. Pope sees JJ fidget uncomfortably, a hand going into his pocket to play with whatever’s in there. He then turns his eyes to Pope instead, who proceeds to stare just as intently at him, following Kiara’s lead. As much as Pope cares about him, he’s not going to let him joke this one off. Pope watches as JJ’s eyes start to glisten, and then he turns quickly away from them. 

“Maybe Gary forgot about us.” He says, as he walks away, stumbling through the wooden frames quickly and to the staircase. “What a betrayal. And after all the effort I put into that relationship.”

Kiara sighs heavily and throws her hands up into the air, then gives Pope a pointed look.

“We can wait until he’s sober.” Pope says, as he briefly puts a hand on her shoulder, before following JJ down. 

“You’re riding in the back with him.” Kiara says, following behind him. “I’m not having him throw up in my dad’s car.” 

By the time they reach Pope’s house, JJ is asleep in the back, laying across Pope’s thighs and Kiara is yawning in the front seat. She parks and turns around to look at Pope.

“I’ll grab some liquor from the restaurant to replace what JJ took.” She says, “Hopefully your dad won’t notice.” 

Pope nods, and looks down at JJ asleep. 

“You gonna be okay with him?” She asks. 

“Yea.” Pope says, and he brushes a piece of hair away from JJ’s face. He looks up and sees Kiara watching him. 

“Call me if you need anything.” She says simply. Pope nods again and gently shakes JJ awake. 

Barely coherent, JJ grumbles awake, sees where they are and then gets up and out of the car silently. Pope follows him out after a quick goodbye and wave to Kiara, who pulls out onto the road again once he’s shut the door behind him. Pope turns to see that JJ has fallen down on the ground, shakes his head, and quickly runs to catch up, help him up, and then lean him against his shoulder. 

“JJ,” Pope says, as the other boy shifts against him. “Whatever you do, don’t try and talk to my dad. Just go in, and get upstairs.”

“What?” JJ replies with a slight slur, “Why?”

“Because he’s gonna be pissed and you're drunk.” 

“He has a sophisticated taste in liquor. I should at least thank him.” 

“No.” Pope says, and pauses as his hand reaches the door knob. “Do not say a word.” He emphasizes. 

JJ does a sloppy hand gesture of zipping his lips closed and Pope sighs before opening the door. The lights are off but Pope can hear the TV in the living room still on. He looks at JJ one more time and puts a finger to his mouth, before finally stepping inside. 

They make it to the stairs before JJ does a dramatically loud fall to the floor again and Pope groans. He looks over his left shoulder into the living room and sees his father watching them from the entryway. Pope grimaces and gives him a sheepish smile.

“Just get him upstairs before your mother sees.” His dad says, shaking his head.

“Yes, sir.” Pope replies. He picks JJ up and shuffles him up the stairs and into his room. 

“See, your dad loves me.” JJ mumbles, as Pope shoves him inside and closes the door behind him. 

He watches as JJ takes a few steps into the room before collapsing on his bed, back first. He reaches into the shirt pocket and pulls out a blunt. Pope walks over and stares down at him. 

“I think you’ve had enough.” He says. He refuses to reach for it like he always does. 

“I don’t think there _is_ enough for today.” JJ replies seriously. 

Pope stills, examining him a little more closely, since it’s the first time JJ has even come close to acknowledging why they are here. JJ just sighs heavily before tucking the blunt back into the shirt pocket. When he looks up again, Pope is still staring at him, and JJ’s hand instinctively moves into his pants pocket instead. Pope notices, and wonders not for the first time, what’s in there he keeps touching. 

“What will you do when you run out of wall space?” JJ finally says, gesturing with his other hand to the notes stuck to Pope’s wall. 

Pope grunts in frustration, tired of the distractions. But he reminds himself what he told Kiara and decides to let it go. 

“You can’t sleep in my bed with that shirt on.” He answers instead, looking at the grease and dirt stains all over his favorite shirt. 

“But I like it.”

“I used to too. But I don’t care. Take it off, it seriously needs to get washed.”

JJ slowly sits up on the bed in front of Pope and begins fumbling with the buttons. Pope can only watch him struggling with the first button for about twenty seconds before he realizes this will take all night if Pope doesn’t intervene. 

“Jesus, JJ.” He says, knocking his hands away and taking the shirt in his own hands.

“I was doing it.” JJ says softly in protest, but he’s looking down at Pope’s hands, watching them swiftly move down the length of his torso, opening buttons along the way.

Pope slows as the realization of what he’s doing finally dawns on him. He chances a quick glance with his eyes up to see JJ’s reaction, but only sees the top of JJ’s head as the other boy continues to stare intently down on his hand’s movement. Pope clears his throat and forces his fingers to keep moving. 

“You would’ve taken forever.” Pope tries, but his voice cracks and it’s so obvious he feels his body heat up. 

As his fingers reach the last few buttons, he tries again to discern JJ’s reaction with a quick glance up, but JJ hasn’t moved an inch and Pope can still only see his blonde hair hanging over his face. Pope desperately wants to see if JJ’s face is as red as Pope feels his own is, or if he’s just imagining all of this tension by himself. He’s certainly been wrong before and with JJ, there really is no telling. 

Pope finishes and lets his hands fall back at his sides. He can’t steel himself enough to actually move the shirt off of JJ, but JJ doesn’t allow him a chance to either. JJ lifts his head to give Pope an indiscernible expression before slowly moving his hands and sliding the shirt easily off each shoulder. He bunches it into a ball and gently hands it up as an offering to Pope. Pope swallows and reaches his hands out to grab it.

“Your pants too.” He says with much more bravado than he feels. 

JJ’s expression doesn’t change, but he leans back slowly onto the bed and lays down, before moving his fingers to the front of his pants. And if Pope had any doubt about what he was feeling towards JJ, it left with the sound of the zipper moving down. Pope turns away, pleading with his body to relax and forces himself to find the old construction bucket he uses as a laundry basket. He picks it up and takes a silent and deep breath before turning around and finding JJ on his bed in his boxers, with the pants now thrown on the floor. 

“I’ll be right back.” He manages, as he picks the pants up and leaves the room in a rush. For the first time in a long time, he thanks the universe for his dark skin because the blush crawling underneath would be unbearable to wear outwardly. 

He makes his way to the washer, attached awkwardly to the same waterline as their dishwasher in the kitchen. He can’t get the image of JJ shirtless on his bed out of his head while he slowly piles the clothes in. Pope is anything but stupid, and prides himself on it, but this isn’t a straight forward test. In so many ways, he feels he cannot be the only one feeling this, and yet he also knows JJ is a wild card, especially in ways of expression. 

JJ’s blunt tumbles from the laundry onto the floor as he’s thinking this over. Pope looks down and quickly swipes it up and puts it in his own pocket before his dad decides to walk through. Remembering JJ fidgeting in his pocket earlier, he pulls JJ’s pants out and fishes inside to make sure nothing else is going in with the wash. He pulls out a folded piece of paper from the left pocket and eyes it curiously. He unfolds it and stares at the list he made weeks ago about repaying JJ back for taking the fall for him. 

Pope, who was squatting over the tile, sits down on the floor and turns the paper over in his hands in thought. He rubs his fingers along a crease just about the size of his thumb and feels his heart skip a beat. The paper looks like it’s been folded over multiple times and is fraying at the edges. The words, originally written in blue ink, look faded now. Pope wonders how long JJ has been holding onto it. 

He breaths a deep sigh and decides that it’s not just him.

He quickly shoves the rest of the clothes into the washer and makes his way back to his room. When he enters, JJ is laying down on his bed with another one of Pope's shirts on. He has the shirt, once again, hanging over the bridge of his nose, smelling it, while his eyes stare up at the ceiling in solemn contemplation. Despite the obvious melancholy come over JJ, Pope smiles at the sight. Because yea, it’s definitely not just him. 

He slowly makes his way over to the bed, setting down what he found in JJ's clothes on the dresser. JJ’s eyes follow him over the shirt and he makes no mention to the things Pope places there. Pope leans over him and reaches to grab a hold of JJ’s shirt, slowly pulling it down over his nose and revealing his face. As if a switch is flicked, Pope watches JJ’s eyes begin to glisten and red.

“John B is dead.” JJ barely whispers to him.

“Yea.” 

Pope watches as JJ’s face instantly wrinkles in pain and his tears start to fall in earnest. JJ brings a hand up to his face, covering his eyes and takes in a sharp, strangled breath. He sits up suddenly and throws his legs over the bed, leans over and begins to sob uncontrollably. Pope’s own eyes begin to burn as he sits down on the bed next to him and throws an arm around JJ’s shoulders. 

“You know,” JJ breathes out, using a palm to try and wipe away the tears coming down his face, ”You get to a point where, when enough people around you leave, you start to think it’s you. Right?” He turns his head to Pope for confirmation.

“JJ-” Pope starts, his voice hoarse. 

“It’s my fault.” JJ continues, not letting him interrupt. 

“It is not your fault.” Pope says seriously, “That’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever said.”

“I gave him the Phantom.” JJ says, crying “I kept encouraging him.” 

“We all gave him the Phantom. We _all_ encouraged him. If it’s your fault then it’s our fault too.”

JJ just shakes his head no and struggles to breathe in between his tears. 

“Listen - “ Pope says, forcing his voice not to shake, “I know this is terrible.” He leans his head down slightly to make eye contact with JJ, “But you need to remember we’re in this _together_.” He squeezes along JJ’s back. “You’re the one always telling us we’re Pogues, right?” Pope raises his eyebrows at him. “Kie and I are just as heartbroken as you are, and when you run away like that, without us, you start to think stupid things like that.” Pope pauses, making sure JJ is listening,”It - is - not - your - fault.” He emphasizes. 

JJ takes in a breath and nods his head slightly, letting Pope know he hears him. 

“We do this together, just like we always have. _Okay?_ ” Pope struggles to finish saying, his ability to keep calm breaking, “You scared me tonight.” Pope says even more softly and his own tears fall silently. 

“I’m sorry.” JJ says, turning to him. 

“It’s okay.” 

“No,” JJ says, “I”m sorry about everything. I’m sorry I stole Heyward's liquor and that I ran off again. I’m sorry I haven’t been taking things seriously around you.” 

“JJ,” Pope says, “It’s okay.” 

“No, it’s not.” JJ says, rubbing at his eyes, “I’m sorry I’ve been so jealous of you and Kie.” 

“You’ve been jealous?” 

“And I’m sorry I haven’t been a good roommate or appreciating what your family has been doing for me.” JJ rants, “And I’m sorry I took your anxiety meds and stole your underwear.” 

_“What?”_

“I’m just so sorry. And I promise, from now on, I’m going to try - really, really try, okay? I’m going to take out the deliveries and cook food and just try so much harder, bro.” 

“JJ, I know you’re trying.” Pope attempts, slightly confused. “It’s seriously okay.” 

“Look,” JJ says, and jumps up. He runs to the dresser Pope made space for him in and opens it up, rummaging around. Pope watches as JJ stills before pulling something out and cradling it in his hands. JJ stares at it for a moment before turning around. “You can -” JJ struggles to breathe out, fervent tears beginning to fall again, “You can take her.” He blabs, sniffing harshly and holds out his hands to Pope. 

Pope blanches, eyeing the gun in JJ’s hands. 

“JJ!” Pope says, standing up instantly, " _What the hell?_ How long has that been in there?” 

“I’m so sorry.” JJ says, crying profusely and trying to wipe his eyes, “She’s only ever protected me. I couldn’t just leave her. But, you” He struggles to say, “You can have her.” He cries harder, his eyes looking at the gun in his hands. 

_"I cannot believe you brought a gun into a black man's house!"_ Pope whispers harshly at him. 

“Here,” JJ says, holding out his hands further, “Just take her. I’m serious.” 

“Oh my god,” Pope says, his tears long gone and the fear of his father’s wrath now in its place. “JJ, I do not want your stupid gun. Please, for the love of God, put that away.” 

“You don’t want her?” He whimpers. 

_“No!”_ Pope replies, and shuffles JJ back to the drawer, “Put that back. And tomorrow you are getting that out of this house! I don’t care where, I don’t even want to know where, but not here.” 

“Okay.” JJ sniffs and puts the gun back before turning around to face Pope. 

“You are unbelievable.” Pope just says, shaking his head. 

They stand there, facing each other as JJ begins to get his sobs under control again and Pope observes the way his face is blotched with red around his cheeks and eyes. JJ wipes away some more tears before looking up at him and giving Pope a small smile. Pope smiles back. 

“Pope,” JJ starts, eyeing him cautiously, “Do you think you could give me one of those really excessive hugs you randomly do?” 

Pope’s smile broadens. 

“Yea, JJ,” He says, “I think I could do that.” 

He moves forward and quickly engulfs JJ in a tight, excessive hug. And unlike previous times, where JJ stands stiff and cracks jokes, he melts into it and pulls up his own arms tight around Pope. Pope doesn’t know how long they stay like that. At points, he feels the wetness of JJ’s tears soak through his clothes, but he doesn’t let go. And eventually they go to bed, still holding on. 

When Pope wakes up in the morning, JJ is already out of the house, making deliveries. 


	6. Chapter 6

JJ watches from the corner of his eye as Pope’s leg fidgets up and down nervously, his knee seemingly bobbing a mile a minute as JJ struggles to focus on the road and where he’s going. He wants to put his hand on Pope’s knee to calm him, but his hands tighten around the steering wheel instead. He checks the rearview mirror quickly and sees Kiara lounging in the backseat, her eyes closed and feet kicked up on the seat next to her, pretending she’s at ease. But JJ knows that the nerves Pope is expressing more openly, is evenly spread through all of them.

“This is such a bad idea,” Pope mumbles for the third time, “We’re definitely going to get beat up, JJ. Or worse.” Pope turns to look at him in what he knows is an earnest and pleading expression, so JJ keeps his eyes firmly on the road and only tightens his grip more so on the wheel.

“Listen,” He tries, knowing the only way to get through this is to keep Pope calm, “You’re the brains, I’m the brawn - that’s our relationship. Let me brawn, bro.” 

“How am I the brains if this wasn’t even my idea?” 

“Because you’re not keeping up, Dr. Spock.” JJ replies with a smile and it’s almost too easy.

“Okay, you know what,” Pope says with annoyance as he shifts in his seat to face JJ, “If I’m Spock, then I am _also_ the brawn because Spock has alien strength at least double that of Kirk.”

“Whoa, wait, I never said I’m Kirk.” JJ says, actively trying to make sure to keep his smile at bay, “I’m more like a Scotty.”

“Scotty?” Pope says with surprise, “No, JJ, you are definitely Kirk; impulsive, unfounded confidence, horrible at listening...” He counts out.

“A great leader though.”

“Also Scotty wasn’t even the brawn in that group, or a leader.” 

“Yea, but a better leader than Spock would be.”

“ _What?_ ” Pope shouts at him, “Man, how could you even say that?” JJ checks to see if Pope’s leg is still moving. It’s not. “Spock is ten times the leader Scotty would ever be! He has touch telepathy and every universal fact memorized!” 

“But he can’t feel emotions.” JJ says as he turns a corner, “Scotty would lead with his heart. The heart of the people.” He puts his one hand briefly to his chest for emphasis. 

“That’s not even a thing.” Pope rolls his eyes and turns to face the backseat, “Kie, who would be the better leader, Spock or Scotty?” 

“Don’t care cause both are men.” 

“So Uhura for you?” JJ says, slowing the car down. 

“Not invested in this conversation.”

“Shit, we’re here.” Pope says, as he turns back to view where they have just parked outside Barry’s house.

Kiara opens her eyes and sits up, sticking herself between them on the console. JJ turns the car off and they sit in silence for a moment before Pope’s leg starts moving again. 

“Everyone understands the likelihood of the town drug dealer, who we’ve beaten up twice, stolen their money from their own house, and pointed a gun at, is probably going to murder us instantly before calling their shady friends to help bury us in the marsh, right?” Pope says, staring straight ahead.

JJ turns his head and finally relents, leaning his body over slightly before placing a hand over Pope’s knee. It stops moving again. 

“Don’t worry.” He says, squeezes quickly and lets go before opening up the door and jumping out. 

“Don’t worry?” He hears Pope say as he rounds the car, “Don’t worry?? That’s all you have?” Pope opens the door and gets out just as JJ approaches the passenger side.

“Yeah bro,” JJ gives his most winning smile, “Don’t worry.” He grabs Pope’s shoulders and moves him to the side so that he can reach through the passenger door and open the glove compartment.

“There is no universe where I do not worry, if you are also in that universe.” Pope replies. He watches as JJ takes out his gun from the compartment and straightens again, before shutting the passenger door. “Like, seriously, can’t even imagine it.” He says as he stares in horror while JJ kisses the gun and then tucks it into the front of his pants. “I will live in eternity worrying about you.” Pope continues.

“Sounds like your problem.” JJ says before closing the door and moving up the driveway. 

“Okay.” He hears Kiara say behind him, having exited the car as well. “Well, let’s hope we don’t die.” 

“That is not even funny at this point Kie.” Pope says with frustration, and JJ turns to make sure they are walking up behind him.

“I’m not trying to be funny,” Kiara says, “I seriously hope we don’t die. Come on.” 

JJ steps up to the door and raises his fist to knock, but Pope darts his own hand out quickly to cover JJ’s and stops him.

“JJ.” Pope says seriously and squeezes JJ’s fist. He’s gorgeous and it’s impossible not to pause and stare back at him. 

JJ hears Kiara shuffle behind him on the other side. He quickly lowers their hands and without letting go, or thinking it through, JJ leans over and kisses Pope’s cheek. 

“Trust me.” He whispers as he pulls away just as quickly. He takes his hand back and knocks without allowing himself to see Pope’s expression. If he had more time to think about it, JJ knows that kiss wasn’t as smooth as his others; it was too intimate, too honest. But he doesn’t have time to think about it and he’s hoping neither does Pope or Kiara.

They all seem to hold their breath in anticipation as they hear a shuffle of footsteps on the other side. Heavy steps make their way to the door, but seem to stop immediately in front of it, with no indication of opening it. 

“Come on, Barry.” JJ goats loudly through the door, “Don’t you want to say hi to some old friends?” He sees Pope shaking his head furiously to cut it out. 

The door opens suddenly and before JJ has a chance to blink, Barry has his hands fisted into his shirt and pulls him through the frame. 

“You little shit!” Barry says, as he throws him into the house and onto the floor. He pounces on top of him before putting a hand tightly around his throat. “Where’s my money?” 

JJ struggles to breathe, gasping for air, as his hands go up to try and loosen Barry’s hold.

“Get off of him!” JJ hears and suddenly Barry is knocked off by a tackle from behind. JJ coughs and immediately gulps for air as he rolls his body on the floor to see Pope now wrestling with Barry a few feet away from him.

“Oh my God,” Kiara shouts as she enters, “Stop! Just stop for five seconds!”

“We have-” JJ tries to say, but his throat is too hoarse and he ends up having a coughing fit instead. He reaches out his hand in frustration towards Pope, just as Barry gains the better ground and pins Pope to the floor as well.

“Where’s my money?!” Barry shouts again and lands a blow right into Pope’s jaw. JJ hears Pope make a muffled yelp of pain and his stomach drops. 

“Shit.” JJ says weakly, “Stop.” He coughs out again and begins a rushed crawl over to them.

“We have your damn money!” Kiara shouts, kicking hard at Barry on the other side. 

Barry finally stills and looks back at her, his hair mangled and sweat already gleaming on his face. There’s a momentary pause in the chaos as his eyes squint in scrutiny. 

“Where?” He finally says to her, “Show me.” 

“Get off him and I will.” She replies evenly.

Barry sneers but slowly removes himself from the floor and Pope. JJ hears Pope release a wheeze as Barry finally stands up and faces Kiara. He takes the opportunity to quickly shuffle the last few feet over to Pope.

“Damnit, Pope.” JJ says with concern, his hands already reaching out towards Pope’s face. “Why couldn’t you just let me brawn?” He can’t keep the strain out of his voice as he leans over and gently moves Pope’s face towards him to examine the damage. He cringes as he sees Pope’s nose bleeding and a large swell already forming against the same cheek he kissed only moments ago. For a second, he wants to kiss it again. 

Pope points to his chest and says, “Spock.” weakly. JJ smiles.

“Give it to me.” He hears Barry say to Kiara above him. From the corner of his eye he watches Kiara reach into her pocket and pull out one quarter of the gold they split. 

“Catch.” She says as she tosses it to him. Barry does. 

JJ slowly helps Pope sit up, tilting his head back to stop the bleeding while Barry examines the piece in his hands.

“This is only worth half what you took.” He finally says, his demeanor much more intrigued than moments ago though, which JJ sees as a win. 

“Half if you take it to your pawn shop, but much more if you know the right people.” Kiara replies, “And I have a feeling you know the right people.” 

JJ and Pope turn to each other with a shared quizzical look over Kiara’s sudden bravado.

“Did she practice this?” JJ whispers to him. Pope just shoves him and puts a finger to his lips to shut up. 

“This should be more than enough to cover what we took.” Kiara says as Barry continues to stare her down. 

Barry tosses the nugget between his hands a fews times, calculating the weight. 

“Alright.” He says with a sly smile, and pockets it. “Consider it paid. Now get out.” 

“Not yet.” JJ says and stands up quickly. Barry glares at him before taking a few intimating steps towards him.

“Tell me why I shouldn’t just beat you up until you tell me where you got this? Huh?” Barry says, jabbing his finger roughly into JJ’s chest.

“Because we already did that and guess what?” JJ says, knocking his finger away, “It didn’t work out so well for you.”

Barry moves as if to punch him but JJ side steps quickly.

“There was only ever one nugget.” He says, placing his hands in front of him in defense. “John B took most of it on the boat,” He lies, “But we have a similar sized piece we’re willing to give you.” 

For a moment, Barry looks confused and squints his eyes again in suspicion. 

“Okay, and?” Barry says, stepping back. 

“We need a favor.” He replies. Barry laughs.

“What kind of favor?” 

“A simple enough favor for nearly twenty grand.” 

“Just spill it.”

“Rafe.” 

“What about him?” 

“You know he killed Sheriff Peterkin. John B is being set up for that murder.”

“John B is dead.” Barry scoffs and JJ’s hand twitches for his gun in anger. He feels a hard hand on his shoulder from behind and realizes it’s Pope’s.

“He might be,” Pope says, “But we’re all connected.” His voice is pitched differently as his one hand continues to hold a nostril closed. “You can get him to confess.”

“I’m not a snitch.” Barry says with disdain.

“We’re not asking you to go to the cops, we’re just asking you to get a recording of him admitting it. Something we can bring in our defense.” Pope continues. 

Barry stares at all three of them like they're insane. 

“Come on, Barry.” JJ says, pulling himself together. “Rafe is a stuck up Kook whose family has taken advantage of everyone this side of town. You can’t tell me you wouldn’t love to see him get what he deserves, and get another twenty grand out of it.” 

Barry cocks his head in consideration as he turns to look at JJ again. His face slowly pulls a grin, giving JJ a once over with his eyes. 

“Bet daddy would be real proud of you right now.” Barry says with a laugh, smiling at the thought. JJ grits his teeth, his hands shaking at his sides. “I’ll have to tell him next time he’s around” 

JJ feels Pope’s hand tighten on his shoulder just as he’s decided he should lunge. But Barry turns on his heels, moving further into the house, blatantly ignoring JJ’s frustration. Pope grips his arm around JJ to stop him from following. 

“I’ll do it.” They hear Barry’s retreating form say, “But if you’re bluffing, there’s gonna be three new bodies missing. And that’s a promise.”

...

“Okay, but just hear me out.” JJ says to Pope as he plops himself down into the sand, a beer in one hand and a joint in the other. “Clifford was massive! Like - “ JJ separates his hands in the air “ _massive_ , massive. He could’ve just sat on Godzilla.” 

“Godzilla is _also_ massive, JJ!” Pope paces in the sand in front of him. “Clifford would only be sitting on Godzilla’s toe!”

JJ watches as the beer in Pope’s left hand loses some of its contents as Pope thrashes it wildly with emphasis. Pope looks mildly ridiculous as the other hand is held up to his black eye, keeping some cloth-wrapped ice in place against it. A tissue is stuffed into his nose to hold back the bleeding. However, JJ’s eyes are trained on how the night wind coming off the marsh makes Pope’s T-shirt stick close to him so that the outline of his abdomen is more prominent. He observes it in appreciation with a calm gaze.

“He is a massive ancient sea monster who runs on nuclear power.” Pope continues in frustration, “You cannot argue this, Godzilla would win hands down.”

“It is so fucked up how little you think of Clifford.” JJ says, taking a quick sip of his beer, “He’s _the_ Big Red Dog.” JJ shakes his head, “I guarantee you, he could hold his own.” 

“At a playground?” Pope asks incredulously, “Yea, I’m sure the big kids wouldn’t mess with him. But this is Godzilla we’re talking about.” Pope says, bringing his ice pack to his temple instead in frustration. “Kie, please, talk reason to him.” He says as he gestures to JJ. 

Kiara looks up from her project of tending the campfire, her face full of apathy. She looks between them for a moment and then back down to the fire. She grabs a log next to her and throws it in, poking at it with a large stick she salvaged from the marsh. Ignoring them both, she begins blowing onto the fire so the flames blow brighter.

“Obviously she agrees with me.” JJ determines. 

“No,” Pope interjects, “She does not.” 

“Kie knows, unlike you, “ JJ gestures to Pope, “that Clifford wouldn’t be working alone. He’d have all his friends to help him fight too. He wins via community. Right, Kie?” 

Kiara makes a small, noncommittal noise.

“See?” JJ shrugs as if it’s obvious. He takes a drag from the blunt and smiles.

“What community are you even talking about?” Pope arches an eyebrow at him, “The eight year old girl?”

“It’s like you’ve never even watched the show. Clifford has a gang of dogs - remember Cleo and T-Bone?”

“Okay, I distinctly remember that Cleo was a poodle. How is she gonna help Clifford fight an angry sea monster?” 

“Have you _met_ a poodle?”

“And saying a ‘gang’ of dogs is really pushing it.” Pope continues, “Two dogs are not a gang. And Clifford is still the only one who is supersized.” 

“Hmm, yea” Kiara says, absently. “That is true.”

“Thank you!” Pope exclaims, throwing his hands over his head in victory. JJ pulls a face at him and frowns, furrowing his eyebrows in frustration. 

“You two just don’t understand the power of the community,” JJ tries, “You’re clouded by your hormones. You think teams are just there to kiss randomly.”

Kiara looks up with a glare at that, her attention fully on him.

“I _will_ murder you.” She says, pointing her campfire stick in his direction.

“All I’m saying is that we have, like, two rules for the Pogues.” JJ continues, unafraid, “And everyone in this group broke them but _me_.” 

“Maybe you’re just too ugly.” Kie says without hesitation.

“Doubtful.” JJ replies, “ _I_ just understand that the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few.”

“Wow, that is not what that means at all.” Pope chimes in, rolling his eyes before plopping himself down by JJ. He throws the ice pack to the side and finally lowers his hand into the sand. He’s sitting so close their arms are touching. JJ doesn’t make any attempt to shift away.

“You all should be thanking me for holding this group together,” JJ pivots, pretending he doesn’t feel the warmth of Popes body against him. “I’m the only one with any logic or restraint.” 

“Out of all of us, you’re the one most full of shit.” Kiara says, standing up, “I will give you that.” 

“And yet, you still decided to make Pope your boyfriend instead of _me_?” JJ says with a smile. But the joke doesn’t land quite right because Kiara suddenly stills in her movements and Pope, who was mid sip, chokes on his beer. 

A silence takes over the group as JJ watches Kiara give Pope a meaningful look and Pope seems to look back at her uneasily. For a moment, JJ feels a pang of jealousy for being left out of whatever silent communication is happening between them. These are the moments he’s been trying to prepare himself for, and yet it still stings. He looks away from them and takes another drag of his blunt in order to subdue the mixed emotions bubbling forward.

“Right…” Kiara says finally. “I’m gonna head to the bathroom. You two can -” She waves her hands at them and gives Pope another pointed look before quickly shuffling off into John B’s shack behind them. 

Alone with just Pope, tension hangs in the air as JJ pretends that nothing of note just took place. With Kiara’s absence, he can’t help but feel the weight of Pope against him more vividly though. 

“I really think Clifford-”

“Kiara and I aren’t dating.” Pope interrupts suddenly, angling himself slightly so that he can face JJ more head on. The words in JJ’s mouth turn silent and his jaw hangs slack for a moment as he registers what Pope just said. “As in, no more macking - like, at all. So, I’m not her boyfriend. And she’s not mine.” Pope pauses, staring at JJ earnestly. “Ah, girlfriend,” He clarifies, still waiting for JJ to respond. “She’s not my girlfriend.”

JJ stares back in stunned silence. He did not see this coming. He was sure he was just biding his time with them, knowing eventually they’d figure out the delicate shuffles around each other and it’d be a steady decline to being on his own again. Despite their reassurances, JJ knew how these things worked. He’d get left behind and it wouldn’t be anyone’s fault. The world just isn’t set up for people like him to be happy. 

But now, with this news, it’s as if the weight of that knowledge is suddenly lifted off of him and he can breathe again, hope again. He’s struck by the immense feelings of relief and joy he’s struggling to hold back. He’s positive that a good friend would not feel unconstrained happiness at the news that Pope’s long-time crush and short-lived girlfriend didn’t work out. But he does anyway. 

“Oh.” is all JJ can muster.

“Yea.” Pope says with a slight shrug. As if that’s it. As if JJ didn’t spend hours ignoring the jealousy and hopelessness that’s haunted him since the moment Pope and Kiara kissed in front of him. 

Pope gives JJ a small smile and looks downward before recasting his eyes to JJ, seeming to be searching for something. He looks at him the same way he looks when he’s doing a vexing math equation, that JJ is a mystery waiting to be solved. JJ watches from the corner of his eye as Pope’s hand twitches in the sand. It takes another moment for JJ to register that Pope is still waiting for a response, and is still staring at him, a look that is getting increasingly calculating.

"Uh," JJ struggles as he clears his throat, "Wow, what a plot twist." 

Pope's eyes narrow slightly, his scrutiny deepening. 

"Is it?" He questions, his voice changing from sheepish to inquisitive instantly.

"Ah, yea, I mean…" JJ swallows, "I definitely thought…" But he can't finish the sentence out loud. He gestures vaguely with his hand and tries to lean his body back far enough so they aren't touching anymore.

Pope only continues to look at him, like he's waiting for something. JJ's heart races in fear with the thought that he knows what he's waiting for. But it seems ridiculous to even think of it and even if it was true, JJ’s only just felt ease for the first time in months and he’s not willing to lose it again.

"I'm sorry things didn't work out" He tries, looking away towards the marsh.

"I’m not." 

JJ’s breathing seems to stop entirely. He takes his time turning his head slowly back to Pope as he reminds himself to keep calm.

"You sure?" He manages to say. And despite all his internal turmoil and his best attempts at going for a tease, it comes out dripping with insecurity. Based on Pope’s expression, he sees straight through it; he knows JJ cares. And fuck it, JJ does. 

“I’m more than sure.” Pope says with finality after a beat.

JJ is only sure that he is the biggest fool in the world for staring at Pope’s bruised face and tissue-stuffed nostril, and thinking that Pope is the most beautiful person he’s ever met, and also that JJ will never touch him in the way he wants to. 

JJ shakes himself mentally. “If you say so.” He replies with a shrug. He brings the blunt up to his lips again and notices his hands are shaking slightly. He hopes Pope can’t notice in the night light.

Silence encompasses them and JJ can feel Pope still sneaking glances. JJ knows that if he doesn’t change the topic soon, he’s in a world of trouble. 

“Here.” He says as he sets down the beer in his one hand. He extends his leg long and reaches into his pocket pulling out a small plastic bag with four medical pills inside. He hands it over to Pope.

“What is this?”

“It’s some anxiety medicine. To replace what I took.” JJ says confidently, proud of himself.

He watches Pope set down his beer and arch an eyebrow as he takes it in his hands. 

“JJ,” He starts, baffled. “what is it and where did you get it from?” 

“It’s the same as yours, I double checked.” JJ says with a large smile. He was pretty ecstatic when he found it. 

“Yea, but how?” 

“I found it while I was making deliveries for your dad.” 

“You _found_ it?” Pope asks skeptically, “Just lying on the ground?”

“No, in a bathroom.” 

“ _Whose_ bathroom?”

“Does it matter?”

“Yes!” 

“Some Kook’s bathroom I asked to use.” JJ finally relents. Pope’s eyes widen and JJ loses his smile, “What?”

“JJ,” Pope says, “You can’t steal things from the people we deliver to!”

“I’m not stealing,” JJ offends, “I’m redistributing.” 

“You are hopeless, seriously JJ.” Pope shakes his head, “What if they need this?”

“Then I’m sure their daddy can get them more. Hell, I bet their daddy is the doctor.”

Pope just continues to shake his head and mumbles “redistribution” before finally pocketing it himself. “Thanks?” He says hesitantly, turning back to JJ. But JJ sees the smile creeping in despite his objections and JJ silently congratulates himself on a job well done. He decides to not tell Pope just how many bathrooms he’s asked to use during deliveries. 

“Also,” JJ says, feeling on a roll, “This morning I gave the department the money.”

He feels Pope still next to him and instantly thinks this direction was a mistake.

“You know, for the restitution.” He explains further, hoping whatever he can backtrack from. “It won’t fix everything but I’m in better graces at least.” He rants, looking over to see Pope staring at him intently again, the calculating look back in place. “So,” JJ swallows, “You know, you don’t have to worry about me for eternity.” He goes for another smile, “At least, not in this universe.”

Pope is silent, staring at him. His eyes are full of something JJ can’t name, but it makes him want to squirm away and hide under a rock. 

“But you know,” JJ tries, looking away and fidgeting with his hand in the sand behind him. “You can never trust the police so don’t get too comfy with that idea.” 

“Why did you take the fall for me that day?” 

“Huh?” JJ starts, looking back up. Pope’s face looks open, but determined. 

“For Topper’s boat, JJ. Why’d you do it?”

“What do you mean why?” JJ says with surprise. “Why wouldn’t I?”

“You were risking prison for something I did.” Pope says, shifting closer, “You don’t think that’s a big deal?”

“Not really.” JJ says, his hand now gripping onto a clump of sand.

“You sure?” Pope asks and there’s a hint of mockery in the question. Pope doesn’t believe him and JJ can tell he’s getting genuinely annoyed. 

“You just can’t chill, like, ever can you?” JJ says, his own annoyance beginning to brew because God Damnit Pope can never drop anything. “Even when you’re smoking.”

“I’m just asking questions.”

“That’s the definition of no chill.”

“That is not the definition, JJ.” Pope says, shifting away and sitting up straighter, “No chill means you can’t be flexible. And I am very flexible, hence why I am constantly convinced into participating in the worst possible plans you think up.”

“Pope, you are literally arguing with me about the definition of chill. You can never just go with the flow, meaning that you have NO chill.”

“And the person who runs around with a gun in their pants is _chill_?”

“Are you jealous I found her first?” JJ says, feeling like he’s got an in to get them back to steady ground. 

“There is no situation,” Pope says with absoluteness, “Not a single one, where I would touch that gun again. Ever.” He emphasizes. JJ gives a short laugh.

“Never say never.”

“You didn’t answer my question.” Pope tries, but JJ has already won, he knows it.

JJ scoffs and takes in a puff, “No chill…” he mumbles loud enough for Pope to hear. 

He hears Pope grunt in annoyance before he straightens his body forward so that he’s parallel with JJ instead of facing him. JJ smiles and his body relaxes a bit, but then in one swift move, Pope lays his upper body down across JJ’s outstretched legs so that his head is cradled by JJ’s thigh. JJ coughs out some of the smoke he was just inhaling. 

“What are you doing?” He says, feeling his body lean away. This was fine when Pope was a lot more of an abstract concept, but now, it’s too close to being a reality.

“I’m trying to chill, JJ.” Pope says, looking up at him with feigned innocence. 

“I don’t know if this constitutes as chill.”

“Why not?” Pope asks with determination, “Does this make you feel weird or something? Can’t just go with the flow?” JJ is surprised by the petulant tone. It doesn’t suit Pope well.

“I just think it’s a little weird coming from the person who could barely touch a girl because she kissed you.” 

Pope opens his mouth to respond, but then decides to shut it again. Instead, he closes his eyes and burrows himself deeper into JJ’s lap.

“Life must be understood backward, but lived forward.” Pope finally says after a beat.

“What?”

JJ watches with mesmerized awe as Pope opens his eyes and lifts his hand into the air, boldly plucking out the blunt hanging from JJ’s mouth. He brings it down to his own mouth and takes a slow, more practiced drag, before slowly releasing the smoke into the air and into JJ’s face. 

“It’s not awkward with you.” He says simply. And puts the blunt back in JJ’s gaping mouth. 

Footsteps behind them interrupt JJ’s short-circuiting thoughts.

“Hey losers,” Kiara says from behind them. A pile of clothes is dropped haphazardly onto Pope’s head. JJ recognizes the Hawaiian shirts instantly. He turns to look up and see that Kiara is already wearing one, a hideous bandana wrapped around her neck in classic John B fashion. “We better do this before it gets too late.” She says.

JJ hears Popes sigh as he picks the items off his face and stares at them in sudden somber. He sits up and hands a shirt to JJ. Silently, they begin to put them on as Kiara watches from around the dying fire. When they eventually stand up and join her, she hands them a bandana each. JJ smiles softly.

“How many of these do you think he had?” He asks quietly, looking at the red cloth in his hands. 

“Based on what I just saw in his room, at least a drawer full.” Kiara answers smiling. They all share a small chuckle before getting quiet again and stare down into the fire. JJ and Pope slowly put the cloth around their necks as well.

Once it’s secured in place, JJ bends down and picks up the last beer that was being saved for their absent friend. He looks at Kiara and Pope, swimming in the oversized shirts, and never before have the bright colors and patterns felt so bleak. 

“You do it.” Kiara says, nodding towards him.

JJ takes a breathe, remembering why they came here tonight, and cracks open the beer can with a crisp pop. 

“John B, “ He says with a proud voice as he holds the beer high over the embers, “I met you when I was beat up and running from my dad. You took me in that day, and every day since. You helped build a family with me, a real one, and you let me sleep in your shitty house whenever I needed. Sometimes, you were an idiot. And also hot chicks were your weakness. You also had terrible style as is evident tonight.” He sees Pope and Kiara smile. “But we’re gonna miss you anyway.” JJ pauses, his eyes beginning to mist. “Love you John B.” He says, “Pogues for life.” 

“Pogues for life.” Kiara and Pope mimic softly.

“Bye, John B.” JJ struggles to say, his throat tight. He slowly tips the beer and pours it’s contents over the fire. Kiara and Pope come to stand closer to him as the embers turn dark and a black smoke cloud spills into the air around them. He feels Kiara grab his hand and squeeze, and then Pope does the same on the other side of him. Together they watch the embers slowly die off and the night around them gets a little darker.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew! Sorry it's been so long. I will absolutely finish this promise for anyone still reading.


End file.
